Identity Theft

P.S. (yes, back to this again)…I just found out that my favorite band from my early years as a disciple is BACK after a 13 year hiatus…yes folks Burlap to Cashmere has released a new cd. If you aren’t familiar with this band from their first and only album back in ’98…they are a Christian, English speaking version of Gypsy Kings.  They have that salsa, Zumba beat that just makes your feet move, your hands to clap and the rest of the body follows – not to mention their thought provoking lyrics.  You just have to go to iTunes to get a taste of them yourself!  Now on with the show:


Identity theft…we all are prone to it more than we think.  And I am not talking about someone taking your social security number and going to get massive amounts of cash, leaving you to clean it up.  While scary I admit, I don’t think this is the worst type of identity theft that could possibly happen to you.  People pleasers, strong willed and those in between can all fall prey to this type of theft…

Let me explain:  What if you woke up one day to find that you, yes you, have been leading a double life.  That you discovered you really were not the person you thought  you were – because the person you are trying to be is based on everyone else’s idea of who you ought to be. Yet, when you take a chance to stop focusing on what Bill over there says about you, or Sue over there thinks you should do with your talents…and start tuning into your own thoughts, feelings and talents that God has given — you  have the epiphany!  Someone, or many someones, have unknowingly stolen your true identity and replaced it with this artificial one…one that is perhaps not so far off from using the talents God gave you – but nevertheless off just enough that you are stuck in a rut most of your days, unsatisfied – perhaps even depressed.  That when you start to peel off the “false” layers of skin others have put on you… you discover who you really were created to be…and begin to wonder where you have been all this time.  Instead of saying that you hardly recognize who you have become as you change for the better – you say, “I don’t recognize that other person I was trying to be.”

Has this happened to you?  Have you been a victim of this type of identity theft?  Worse yet – perhaps you are still a victim and don’t even know it!  Like some way out there sci-fi movie, right…Invasion of the Body Snatchers!?  Hmm, maybe another book idea.

Any who – this has been my realization the last couple of days as I sit in this new but really old and true skin of who God has made me to be.   See, as I took a walk the other day – thinking back over the last couple of weeks and months – and thinking about what God and the personality tests I took have revealed…I decided to approach this whole Jonah thing another way.  I decided to stop running from God’s calling on my life.  I told Him I was tired of wrestling Him and that I would “Lay ’em down” (NEEDTOBREATHE) – all my complaints and excuses, all my preconceived notions of who I thought I was versus who I was seeing when I looked toward God.  And that maybe, just maybe this move would bring me the peace and clarity that I had been praying for.

I did lay all this down at His feet and more – and I cannot even begin to describe what has been happening since.  It is like what I wrote up above…that I realized as I looked back over my life that I have always been this walking zombie trying to fit the role needed of me at that given moment.  While I have all these personality traits that would point me in the direction I am now finally taking – up until now I have been using these traits incorrectly trying earnestly to push my “round pegs in to square wholes”.  Let’s take a look at my life as an example…and if you have the time I challenge you to take a look at your life.  But be forewarned – you might realize that you are a member of the cast of the afore mentioned movie!

I begun my life as the ultimate people pleaser – en utero.  I was to be the saving grace for a failed marriage.  When that didn’t work, I was then to be the quiet, meek and shy (yes I was at one point shy, hard to believe) girl who hid behind her mother.

Next, due to very unfortunate circumstances I was “passed around” for a while – assuming more roles that were eventually abandoned.  Until finally I landed in my guardian’s home where I became the picture of charity and goodness to the outside world – and a scapegoat for the family in the inside world. I was the best bud to the mom some of the times, her indirect “punching bag” other times and her emotional support at still other times.

After becoming a Christian, I still continued down this path of trying to be what others wanted me to be…while my heart was to go into mission work or join staff with Campus Crusade or the like – I for some reason decided to pursue the American Dream instead…thinking that a successful career in something, a family and children would be my ultimate fulfillment.  The silly thing is, even as I typed that, I have always known that I didn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).  Wow…yep that is true.  I always wanted to be out there in the world, helping people in some way shape or form.  But once I became a Christian, and learned that a SAHM had a very important and demanding role in the family – I figured this would be what I was to do for God.  While this role is highly important and is the calling of many women – I am here to say what I NEVER thought I would say: I, me personally, am not meant to be a SAHM…I was not created to be this… and it feels really good to say that.  Not that I don’t truly and madly love my kiddos and want to be available for them…but I see there is more than one way to do this family thing.

Another realization as I walked that morning was that I had NO business in Business school while at the great school of Purdue!  While I learned how to “sell” myself and the sort — it was not really for me.  No, what would have fit my calling …again something I thought I would NEVER say for how do you earn a living with one of these degrees – what I would have truly loved is to have taken some philosophy, lit and communication classes (!!!) and perhaps majored in linguistics and writing or the like.  Really folks – these realizations are blowing my mind.  Yet, they also feel so much like “home” that I am left with nothing else to do but shake my head with a silly laugh breaking through my lips.  Oh, and yes – I have decided that going back to school is the right path for me…and not just any school – but seminary!! I know, wild huh?

Furthermore, God has revealed another biggie thru yet another sermon along with some talks with a friend and her mother: that there is a movement of Christians called “Christian Egalitarianism”.**  This was actually a rather sad moment on one hand for I have been a disciple of Christ for over 15 years and never knew there was another way to run the family and the church.  Since becoming a follower of Christ, I have shunned the feminist movement…leaning into the teachings that the movement has degraded men and confused the roles of the sexes.  While I do believe the movement has gone way too far in many aspects and is again entrapping women into being sex objects…I now see the true heart of those first “feminists”.  I am starting to take my approach of “don’t trust anything you read or hear, but ask questions and investigate and pray on your own” on this subject..actually I have been doing that since May when I discovered God was the first feminist.  It would seem that my new found “old skin” would fit quite well into this movement.

Needless-to-say, all of this has been an amazingly HUGE gift from God this week…another week of Him ripping off the chains of oppression I did not even realize I was still wearing – and most likely not the last round either.

For, when one learns the TRUTH found in the Spirit of the law given through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit…one is truly set free.  When one is truly set free in God, thru Christ who is the truth, then one is set free to use their talents and gifts — and to face God’s calling with the excitement and enthusiasm and passion that I believe God would want them to have – has created them to have in this lifetime.

So……..how about you?  Have you awoken from your zombie state yet to realize your identity has been stolen from you?  Or do you need to someone to jolt you awake?

** While I do plan on writing on “God as the first feminist” someday, here are some links to help you get started in your own investigation of this movement:
* Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE)
* Definition of Christian Egalitarianism from wiki
* Why Does the Bible Say Only Men Should Lead the Church? sermon by Scott Scruggs