A few nights ago I decided to take a little movie break. I really wanted a comedy – for yes you know this one – I dearly love to laugh; but ended up settling for Tangled, a movie I had taken the kids to see when it was in the theater. However, as I watched Rapunzel learn the outside world was not as it seemed, I was horrified to see how much abuse was in this movie. If you want to see first hand the effects of what it is like to live in an abusive environment – you don’t need to read my story…just go rent this movie. You will see how the “mother” uses such things as humor, wit and indirect threats in order to maintain power and control over Rapunzel all under the disguise of really just wanting to protect her sweet precious daughter (hair). However, one day Rapunzel discovers that she isn’t as weak and helpless as her mother has told her she is – all thanks to her “prince charming” entering her “castle” (but really prison) at which point she continually knocks the dude out with a frying pan. After she finally makes a deal with the guy, she escapes with him — only to be torn in two by the dilemma the escape has brought about:
* on one side of the coin she is ecstatic at her new found freedom;
* on the other she calls herself all sorts of names seeing she is willfully disobeying her mother.
As most fairy tales go, she unknowingly falls for the guy – as he unknowingly falls for her. There is no real depth to their “falling in love”…except of course the physical attraction that is felt between two cartoon characters meant to be together. Being true to real life, Rapunzel has moved from an abusive home to an abusive relationship…meeting a man with two sides to his personality: Mr. Nice & Mr. Bad Guy, Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, Ryder and Eugine…also known in the first book of James as the “double minded man who is unstable in all he does.” The only thing backwards in the film is that Ryder exhibits all the qualities of an abusive man – who is the personality we meet first. Charming, a ladies man who always or at least usually gets what he wants. Ryder uses reverse psychology on Rapunzel in order to hopefully persuade her to rescind on her end of their bargain. On the other hand, Eugene, the soft wounded orphaned boy, doesn’t show up until a little later. Typically women are wooed by the “goodness” they see in a man…only to have him later become the “Ryder” behind closed doors.
There is a point in the movie where Rapunzel encourages Ryder by saying, “I like Eugene better.” And he replies, “You are the only one.” An extremely twisted line of thinking most abusers see in themselves. For if they are seen as weak and vulnerable – that puts them in a position of having someone over them…and they can not live in this position. Thus, they put on the front either explicitly or subtly that they are the ones that will maintain the control.
Of course our fairytale ends (hopefully I am not ruining it for any of you) with the two finally coming together – bringing out the better half in each…or more likely “completing each other.” Agh, the power of young love to radically change a man from the Bad Guy to Mr. Prince Charming…isn’t it splendid?
Only thing folks, is that it is a FAIRYTALE…and one that we let our kids glorify. Girls and boys want to be the characters when they are young…and unfortunately often do play the roles without knowing it as they grow older. Furthermore, we have no idea as a society this is playing out all around us with most tragic results – for we think it “only happens in the movies”. We wonder why so many marriages end up in a disaster – becoming toxic and deadly…maybe not physically but spiritually.
Personally, I have to say that I don’t think I will be letting my children watch any more fairytales going forward.
Well, now my work is done…I don’t need to write a fiction novel anymore seeing Disney beat me to the line on this one.
Okay, okay…I’ll still share my rendition…more of a thriller or mystery instead of a Fairytale. What you are about to start reading is going to become part of the series of books I hope to write and get published at some point…so you can say you read it here first!
However, I need to be absolutely clear on two points:
1) Don’t automatically think this is MY story that I am writing about. I am writing a factual fiction book…and I have done a LOT of reading & research on this subject, as well as talking with others over the past couple of years – all of which play into writing this book. The family is completely made up…but situations could be very real in as little as 1 in 4 households on your block.
2) Don’t discredit the view I am trying to bring to light because I say that it is fiction. I am deciding to write it as a fiction novel for many reasons…one of which I can take creative liberties. Not so that I can “make this stuff up.” Instead, so that I can present it to you all and hopefully to the world in a way that makes it easier to see how these relationships develop, why they continue, how devastating they are to ALL involved – especially the kids…and my biggest hope and prayer – so we as a society can start to untangle the “webbie” mess of Tangled deception, lies and half-truths that abuse, power and control has our entire society wrapped up in. And all packaged up in a few nice novels that will make you want to read about such a horrible plague on our society…sounds easy to do right? If you have any idea of how to do this…please let me know!
Without further ado…here is your first snippet with more to come in the next few days:
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She awakes at 6 am after a somewhat restful night. She had been roused by her husband at 3 am telling her their toddler was awake and crying. She never quite understood why he never just got up if he was already awake…but because “this is what you signed up for” rang through her head, she dutifully dragged herself out of bed to get the child’s stuffed animal that had fallen on the floor. She thought about that phrase “this is what you have signed up for,” for a moment. Did she really sign up for all of this? Sure, no mom is ever ready for the full onslaught of motherhood…nor is any father she assumed. However, she did think she would have a little more help on the childrearing side than she was getting…instead of the pressure to always feeling she had to be all things: mom and wife, housekeeper and cook; the 1950s wife and the “modern working, successful dressing mother.” However , she long ago gave up feeling sorry for herself. The only person who seemed affected by that was her, for when she brought any of this up to him…he would remind her, “this is what you signed up for.” For now, she needed to get going if she wanted to get her workout in and be back in time for him to leave. She new if she was even a few minutes late he wouldn’t like it and that he would find it disrespectful. She respected the fact that he would have a long day at the office and she knew he didn’t like to have to start the day off watching the kids, but instead sleeping as long as he could or checking in on his computer.
On her way home from the gym, there was a little fender bender that held her up. She was impatient, almost ready to curse at those that were holding her up – for she had only left enough time to drive home without an accident in the road. If he was up and saw she wasn’t on time… oh, she must be on time, she must be on time she thought as she drummed the heal of her hand into the steering wheel, seething thru her teeth all the while. She was rather relieved when she pulled up to see the lights were all still off. No kids, no husband, not yet. She let herself in and started cleaning up the dishes from last night while preparing the family’s breakfast. The door down the hallway opened 30 minutes later and she listened for the sound of footsteps so she knew who to prepare herself for. They were slow and steady – her husband. She braced herself for whatever might come her way, quickly thinking thru the line of excuses she could make in hopes to start the morning off well with him. In a shear moment of luck, he simply said “good morning” and went and sat down at his computer only asking if the coffee was ready. She felt herself exhale, not knowing she had been holding her breath. She new better than to bring attention to the fact she had been late, for it might start the morning off poorly for all. She quietly prayed he hadn’t noticed, for she really hated it when he thought she was being disrespectful. She wasn’t a disrespectful person by nature…her mother had trained her up right. She had always been the one out of her friends that stood out for using her manners – always giving of her time and energy whenever the need arose. She had been working hard on trying to not unknowingly be disrespectful to him…but it is really hard to not do something when she didn’t know she was doing it. She would ask him to make lists about what he needed from her in this area, but she would never get them – so she was left shooting in the dark.
As most fairy tales go, she unknowingly falls for the guy – as he unknowingly falls for her. There is no real depth to their “falling in love”…except of course the physical attraction that is felt between two cartoon characters meant to be together. Being true to real life, Rapunzel has moved from an abusive home to an abusive relationship…meeting a man with two sides to his personality: Mr. Nice & Mr. Bad Guy, Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, Ryder and Eugine…also known in the first book of James as the “double minded man who is unstable in all he does.” The only thing backwards in the film is that Ryder exhibits all the qualities of an abusive man – who is the personality we meet first. Charming, a ladies man who always or at least usually gets what he wants. Ryder uses reverse psychology on Rapunzel in order to hopefully persuade her to rescind on her end of their bargain. On the other hand, Eugene, the soft wounded orphaned boy, doesn’t show up until a little later. Typically women are wooed by the “goodness” they see in a man…only to have him later become the “Ryder” behind closed doors. 
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