Never Neverland: Healing thru writing 101

For now, we are going to hop back to our childhood to that delightful story of Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell.  We are going to jump out the window of their nursery bedroom and fly away to Never Never Land to see what silly or hurtful things we all thought about the world and ourselves that maybe have kept us from growing up and accepting things about life – and about ourselves.  

First, let us take a look at the Wikipedia definition of this place that kids dream about and parents wish to some how return to…

“The novel explains that the Neverlands are found in the minds of children, and that although each is ‘always more or less an island’, and they have a family resemblance, they are not the same from one child to the next. For example,John Darling‘s ‘had a lagoon with flamingos flying over it’ while his little brother Michael‘s ‘had a flamingo with lagoons flying over it’. The novel further explains that the Neverlands are compact enough that adventures are never far between. It says that a map of a child’s mind would resemble a map of Neverland, with no boundaries at all.^[1]“

Interesting, is it not?  This imaginary world that we seem to all have had in childhood that “has no boundaries at all” and where “adventures are never far between.”  I wonder what the “Boundary Experts” Cloud & Townsend would say about this?  I can only imagine they would not concur that this is a healthy place for children to hang out…for while yes it is AWESOME to imagine and dream – and to do it BIG…there has to be boundaries.  We have to know what is healthy and what is dangerous…what is good vs what is evil…what to let in vs. what to either usher out or keep out altogether.  Don’t you think?  I know, sometimes being an adult with a GROWN up perspective seems limiting… but it does not have to be.  

Next, to get to the point I want to make (which to be honest I am still formulating as we go along…but it will come to me!) we need to make a list of things that we NEVER thought would happen in our lives, what we never imagined as kids on the island – the good and the bad.  Here is a partial list of mine…key here is to just do “stream of consciousness”…meaning just put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and let your mind start wandering – writing down whatever comes to mind.  Besides each “Never” I want you to write down what good or bad thing this has brought into your life.

I NEVER thought I would:

* be a stay-at-home, driving a minivan mom 🙂 – but I have loved my van and my time with the kids…and we affectionately call the van “Baby”.  When we are getting on the highway and need to quickly pick up speed (which this baby can), we all say, “Come on Baby!”  My youngest actually says this when on his little plasma car now – too cute.

* do “this or that” as a parent…enough said!

* be a teacher…I once took an aptitude test in college and they said that my scores indicated this would be the best fit for me.  I have totally rejected it cause I NEVER wanted to be a teacher in schools…yet, I am teaching as a coach, group ex instructor, and it seems that this is the direction my life and hopefully my ministry will take.  Who would have guessed?

* love riding bikes (road bikes) with the clipped in shoes, silly shirts and padded pants…being confident enough to be out on the road with all the crazy drivers…however, I just got my “first” baby back from the shop after her being stored for the past 3 years and took her for a little ride – and I LOVE it.  I love the wind in my face, the sun beating down on me, the views of the hills – the feeling and smell after a good ride of being out doors.  Maybe another reason why I ended up in Cali!

* swim in the open ocean…okay, this one I can’t say I really love, now and possibly ever.  I really would like to try to do a Triathlon with an ocean swim…but the whole shark thing out here is not that appealing.  Especially after seeing Soul Surfer.  But yes, I have done a few open water swims and not been attacked – and it is a fear I would like to conquer some day.

* randomly email people asking for forgiveness for things that happened years ago that they have probably forgotten about or didn’t even know that I had done…and I can’t say that I love this part either.  But it is definitely a soul cleansing experience, and through it all God’s voice continues to get more prominent.  Highly suggest practicing this habit…for I know I am not the only one that has ever messed up or continues to mess up on a pretty consistent basis.

* want to be out in front of people speaking…but I LOVE being in front of a class and having a microphone on and talking (imagine that!), doing or saying silly things to make them laugh – but most importantly to inspire them to have a great workout.  Strange enough, I’ve always had it in the back of my head, buried really deep that I would like to do this more than just in front of a whole bunch of sweaty folks…and as I did a couple of personality inventory test thingers this week – this became more and more clear to me….hmmm.

* be getting a divorce…I know the big one, but it’s got to go on the list…since I am supposed to be an example to y’all of how to do this exercise.  So yes, I NEVER thought I would be here…my mom divorced twice – I hated that we never had a real dad around…I never wanted my kids to have this…as so many of us feel.  I strongly held on to this belief up until May of this year…that I would continue to do anything, be anything I needed to be because as a Christian, divorce isn’t an option unless you are cheated on or you do the cheating.  Yet, thru God’s leading (ouch, I KNOW I’m going to get some push back on this, but it’s got to be said), yes thru God’s leading me to really search His word – and not just the actual letters but in the “Spirit of the law” – I made the biggest “NEVER” decision I never thought I would nor one I ever thought He would deem alright (that is a triple negative statement…not sure how that works!).  It was after this that God confirmed my decision thru Barbara Robert’s book Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion that systematically took me thru the Word and showed me God does in fact, in word and in Spirit, deem more than just adultery to “put asunder” what He has joined.  I won’t get into all this now…

Alright, it is your turn now.  Go and start your list and then come back when you are done.

* * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * *

All done?  Great, okay…so as you look back over your list of “nevers” and what you have learned…I want you to sit for a moment and think about how you have grown by doing some of your “nevers”.  Are you the same person you were when you were a child, when you probably formulated a lot of these “nevers”?  Yes and no…yes, you still have the same body, the same insides and the same basic make-up to your personality.  Yet, as you have grown and tried new things, failed and gotten back up – you have written your own “Never Never Land” story by teaching yourself that boundaries don’t inhibit “adventures (that) are never far between”.  That boundaries, if put in the right place, actually ensure that you are able to have GREAT adventures.  Sometimes we just need to test those boundaries to see which are right for us and which are not…sometimes we need to run into those boundaries and bounce off of them — while at other times we need to run full force right thru them, in order in order to figure out a few things in life.  (Note: this is within the confines of God’s biggest boundaries for all of us…that something is okay if it isn’t “unbiblical, immoral or unlawful.”)

Point Uno: sometimes our “NEVERs” are really our own misconceived held notions about ourselves, our life and our God that limit who God is and where He wants to take us.  

Did you get that?  Read it again please.  

See, our God, whether you know Him through Christ yet or not, is HUGE…and He wants us to know as much about Him this side of heaven as humanly possible. However, if we get in His way..we will not be able to see Him in all His glory.

This is why:  What I have learned, and hopefully you will as you sit with this lesson more…is that by saying “never” you are really putting your pride and ego in front of you, which is right in between you and God; it is really hard to get “unstuck” in life if you are living in pride.  I NEVER (there is another one) thought I was a prideful person…but the more God slowly but surely knocks down my “never never land” statements  – I see how much pride I did and do truly hold in my heart.  Eeks!

Point Dos: our “nevers” -while we like to think they help us be better people – they actually hold us back from really finding out who we truly are, how we were made … and then using all that knowledge to (sorry for this, but it fits) “Be All You Can Be!”  However, I think I would like to reword it to read, “Be All You Were CREATED To Be!”

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

I’m sorry – but that is pretty darn cool…don’t you think?  

Feel free to share some of your “nevers” with the group.  Who knows?  We might also have them as well and need to get rid of them!

Many blessings to all in the power and love of Christ Jesus!