Is singleness the plague?

I have been silent for a while for a purpose…I was on a much needed retreat to the great state of Hawaii.  Oh yeah – suffering I know…but after being sick for going on 4 months a little R&R in the sun and warmth of the tropical island was just what the doctor ordered.  There is just something about being in  Hawaii that alone does something to your soul.  I’ve been to other islands before…and maybe it is because I’ve been to the Hawaiin islands the most…but as so many say that actually end up moving there – each time I go to leave it gets harder and harder to board that plane.

Overall I had a FABULOUS time…and yes I did travel by myself.  I highly recommend this to anyone that is…well for anyone.  For quite some time in my adult life I have found it so relaxing to be able to go to a movie by myself…to go out to eat by myself…and now to travel by myself.  Not having to be on anyone else’s schedule but your own…if you want.  Getting to eat where you want, go where you want and do what you want without having to give and take is so refreshing.  Of course there is the tradeoff that you don’t have any one to talk to or share the experience with – but that is minimal compared to learning to be content with and in yourself.  Plus, I had the opportunity to meet some AMAZING new people – some that I know will be lifetime friends…and some that touched my soul in such a deep amazing way.

I of course had a chance to catch up just a tad bit on some of the books on my “to read” list.  Top of that list was Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality by Rob Bell.  If you truly want to get a glimpse at how intertwined our entire being is to this created world and to God, then this is a must read.  What kept hitting me is that for the first century Jews, everything was spiritual (a dvd title by Mr. Rob as well).  They didn’t separate their physical from mental from spiritual from whatever else we tend to separate ourselves into in this day and age.  No, to them – everything was tied together…everything had symbolism for something bigger and greater.  And this included the marriage of a man and woman being symbolic to the marriage of humanity and God.

While there is so much I could bring out in this book, so many deep spiritual truths, I think one of the ones that hit me as I talk about venturing back out into the life of a single was something I was trying to say in my last post…but that Rob actually says better – I think:

“So Jesus has no problem with marriage and sex.  He goes to weddings and quotes Genesis and celebrates all that should be celebrated.  It’s just that he sees marriage, and therefore sex, as not the ULTIMATE state.

Maybe the better word here is temporary.  Sex, marriage, husbands, and wives – all appear to Jesus to be quite temporary, not in this life but in the next one, the one after this one.” (capitalization mine, Sex God, page 162, 163)

This is what I was trying to say to the poor soul who was so wrapped up in the fact that she wasn’t married by the time she was 30 something.  She felt she was in a waiting pattern for her dreams to get fulfilled until she found the one who would help fulfill her dreams.  All the expectations of her life seemed to be dying, going by the wayside as the months, days, hours ticked by and still no sign of the one.

In actuality this “she” could be any of us  – married our single, male or female, young or old.  It seems we are all mostly inadequate to truly sit with ourselves, learn to be content with and in ourselves and to allow God to be the all in all He desires to be…so we busy ourselves with trying to find someone else we can make into that part of ourselves.

And even though those that are married know the deceit that marriage tends to dangle in front of us isn’t all that it is cracked up to be…we as a society look at those that are single by a certain age and assume something is wrong with them or that they didn’t look at the right time and now have missed their chance.

Really, is that what we think of the singles among us?  Is singleness really to be treated as a plague?  Something to be avoided at all costs because there is no way you could be single, in your 30s, 40s and beyond and be a healthy person?  That there must be something wrong with you if you are single after your 30th birthday?

I’m sorry for you if you think this way.  Really, I am.  For if we continue to think about this as a society – married or single – we are all missing out.  For I have to say some of the healthiest people I am meeting these days are 30+ and still single.  For I have to say that I think maybe these singles have something on those of us that got married in our 20s.  They generally tend to be more grounded, know more about who they are and where they are going in life and who they want to bring along with them – whether married or not.  They tend to have spent more time exploring their faith and living it out, rather than becoming consumed with marriage, and kids and the entrappings of this life.

And as Lindsay James said, when you are single “you’re more like Jesus” than the married folks.

Must get going for today….more tomorrow in “Becoming the right person”…if I feel like getting around to this topic tomorrow :-)!

Next post: Becoming the Right Person #1