Stereotypes are an interesting concept to say the least. I remember doing at least one “real world experiment” in high school English class to help us understand how stereotypes develop, why they might be helpful and why they might be harmful. I cannot honestly say I remember much of what I learned practically – but in theory the idea of why we have stereotypes stuck with me.
In reality, I realize there are some times where forming stereotypes can be life saving, for example:
* A person walking towards you with a gun pointed at your face. You might not want to stereotype them as the type to pull the trigger…but I would say for your safety you better.
* If you’ve been dating a person and they happen to line up with a lot of the warnings of an abuser (a stereotype I know)…then I would highly suggest not ignoring these warning signs of this stereotype…it might be life saving…and if nothing more soul saving.
But for the purpose of this post I am going to look at the 2 most prevalent views about genders in the Christian world. I have to argue that the most prevalent view is the Compliments’….for being a Christian for almost 16 years I had never even heard of Equalitarians until last May or June. Here is my “short” list of observations about this and how stereotyping this way doesn’t help any of us in the long run:
COMPLEMENTS’ VIEW POINT
This view states, in a nutshell, that men and women are created equal but have different and complementary roles in the marriage, family life and Church. In this view, we are often told that men are the “head of household”…meaning they are not lords over us, but that in order for there to be order in the home, someone has to be the ultimate “buck stops here” type of spot…and it goes to the guy. Like Christ, they are to be servant leaders, sacrificing themselves for the good of their wife and family. Women are to be the esteemed helpers – a spot that in the Old Testament God holds – and the “lovers” of the family, i.e. the caregivers to the men and children. In this view, if a woman has a natural tendency to lead, she is to submit that tendency to the man as he is the one God calls to be the leader.
Coming from the only line of thought I knew existed in the Christian world for most of my Christian walk of 16 years, I can see how this line of thought fed my expectations of how my marriage was supposed to play out…of my expectations of my man and what he should be like. The problem was – he was not this way…and I don’t know if it was because he just wasn’t “manning up” like many in the Church would say…or because he wasn’t created to be this way by God. In either case, one of the best things a woman – or man can do – is to step back and allow the person they love to be who they are instead of trying to force them into a stereotype.
While I admit there are some admirable ideas in the compliments’ viewpoint…the more I hear about it more stereotyping I see – especially of men…
* All men must fit the leader servant role…whether their personality type is to lead or not. Couldn’t the problem be that some women are much more gifted – by whom? by GOD! – than some men? Is that a bad thing? Well, if we say all that God creates is good – then this isn’t bad…and there is freedom in acknowledging this – on both sides. Freedom for the woman to do what God naturally gifted her with and freedom for the man to figure out what he is naturally gifted with. If they are both natural born leaders…then great…they can figure out how to co-lead as co-heirs in Christ.
* All women, conversely, MUST fit the helper/lover role. I don’t know about you – but I know some women who are not truly gifted in these areas…. Is it typical? No….but maybe that’s because we are telling people they must fit a certain idea of what their gender predisposes them to fit. Could more “feminine” men be looked down on because they exhibit more feminine characteristics and that makes us uncomfortable? Could women be suppressing their more “male” characteristics because they are not acceptable in our Christian culture? And who does this benefit? Does this benefit those stuck in roles they are not gifted in? Does it benefit the church? Our children? Our families? Our society at large?
* All men must know more than women about the bible so that they can faithfully lead their women and their children spiritually...and when they don’t they are shamed by both men and the women in their lives. This line of thought automatically throws the game into a one-up, power position…whether he takes it or not this is what the Church is telling him he must be. Why can’t he just know what he knows…and she knows what she knows…and they compliment each others knowledge, sharpen each other’s beliefs without one or the other having to know more about the bible than the other? Take the power struggle out. And what happens when a woman is by herself…not under the roof of her father or a husband? In our day and age – women do spend sometimes years outside the household of a father or husband. This is acceptable in our day-and-age and is MUCH different than biblical times. Could, just could this part in the bible be one of those cultural aspects that was extremely relevant for their day-and-age…as a way to help the Gospel be accepted in and among the societies those early Christians lived in? (More about this point when I review the book Divorce & Remarriage in the Church by David Instone-Brewer)
* If we take this view, then are aiming for a state of humanity after the fall…for an imperfect state that was a result of sin…instead of a state that we were created for in the Garden. Why do we aim to bring heaven to Earth…”Your Kingdom come on Earth as it is in heaven”…in every other area of life except for this one? Why would we want to aim to fulfill the state of our sinful nature in this one?
Now here is my understanding of what the Equalitants say:
* Men and Women were created to both work the Garden…there is no division of labor specified in the bible
* We were created equally and uniquely…meaning we are equal before God …but instead of having different roles based on gender…we have different roles based on giftedness. Essentially, women can take whatever role she feels God has called her to based on her giftedness imparted to her by God. Same goes for men.
* In a marriage this means that the husband and wife don’t necessarily just automatically split responsibilities down the middle…but that they are FREE to decide for themselves based on their giftedness how to run their household. If this looks more like the compliments and how they would split things…then they are free to do this. But this also means they are free to go their own way based on how they are gifted.
* In the church, this means that both men and women can serve the church based on their gifts – not on their gender. If a woman is a gifted and called to be a pastor, then she can be a pastor – even to both men and women. If she is gifted with children, she can work with children. If she is called to be an Elder, she can take that role. Same goes for the men.
My short conclusion:
I have to admit, lining up with the Equalitants’ view is a hard bite to chew for those of us raised in the compliments’ view…I know personally it still feels awkward and different and just downright weird at times.
Yet, I feel like again this change in my thoughts allows me to be more open to seeing how BIG God is that he didn’t just create men and women different from each other…but that He went even further by creating men different from other men – and women different from other women.
It feels again more freeing to realize that I don’t have to be stereotyped as the primary caregiver, that I don’t have to pigeon hole myself into this role and this role only….and I don’t have to do that to my fellow sister either.
It feels like it also gives men some much needed freedom to stop having to be told to “man up” to something that might not be fitting to who they were created to be…while they are more free to be the human that they were created to be.
Lastly, as I have said before…thinking this way feels like it takes the ENTIRE power struggle out of play and allows us to just be who we truly are and to become who we are truly called to become. It allows us to stop focusing on forcing another into our personal view of who they should be or how they should act or which role to live up to….which in turn allows us the freedom to do our small part in making the Garden flourish.
