So maybe that Love addiction – the romantic addict in me – well maybe it has completely died. Do I dare admit this? Well…it’s true.
In researching this post, I have found comfort in the fact that just because I am in my 30s…that doesn’t make me any less prone to developing crushes. It seems that perhaps this is a life long dilemma actually. Sure, maybe as we mature (if not Arrested in Development) we won’t get pointless crushes on celebrities that we have no chance with. Yet, as a romance addict that tends to develop crushes at the drop of a smile…I decided that I wanted to investigate this whole thing a little bit more. I can’t say that I have a lot of answers…but here are a few of my thoughts:
* A friend of mine commented that we can develop crushes because they can be life saving in a way. She was telling me of her experience rafting and how her and her friends were all crushing on their young, assured leader. I think this can also be the case with teachers, pastors, leaders that we admire for they have words or encouragement that seem to add something big to our life.
* They can be a diversion from life: life can get tedious and hard. Crushin’ is a way to spice things up. Not saying this is a good thing at all…just making points. On a down note, this diversion could be taking up valuable time and mental resources that need to be pointed back to perhaps some issues in your life that need dealing with.
* They can point to us people that perhaps we have stuff in common with – perhaps friends in the making.
* It is a common fact that we are drawn to people that remind us of others in our past. Others from our past that we had unhealthy or perhaps unresolved issues with. So we crush on new people that remind us of old relationships…the subconscious wanting to “fix” or “heal” those old relationships. Watch out!
So these are just a few of my meanderings on why God would build in crushin’ to our DNA. As I was investigating this, I decided to – instead of running away from why I crush – to face it and see if there was anything I was needing to pay attention to…a new revelation about gender roles came to me that I am going to state here but explore in another post in more detail – later, hopefully sooner than not. You know how things go!
Here’s my revelation:
The problem with crushes is that we often start building the person we are crushin’ on into something that could or most likely could not be true about them. We are inadvertently putting all or our expectations, hopes and fears on them…something I know as a woman I do almost without thinking. The head dialogue might go something like this:
“This person, this guy is so different than the last one. He is going to make all my dreams come true, provide the right stuff that I need [event though I don’t know myself well enough to know what I need]. He will be the MAN, the provider, the comforter, the healer of all my past wounds. We WILL live happily ever after…I just know it. If I can just get him to notice me, talk to me and ask me out – he will see.”
Does any of this sound familiar? Does it sound a lot like “Pretty Woman”, “Cinderella” or “Sleeping Beauty”?
In analyzing this part of a crush, I realized how this is really just another way of stereotyping guys, men. It horrified me that I too – but of course – stereotype based on gender just as much as men do to women. Realizing this – I decided that
1) I want to offer an apology to the men in my life that I have pigeon-holed into this “fairy-tale”…to expect them to live up to my understanding of what a man should be instead of letting them tell me who they are or who they are becoming. I am so sorry and hope that you can forgive me.
A) This idea of stereotyping others is an area that I definitely want to explore more…hope you will join me.
LEAVE ME YOUR IDEAS about why we humans go crushin’!
Here’s an article AND a quiz I found in my research: Advice for Dealing with a Secret Crush
