Back to my “Time to put childish ways to rest” post – specifically where I talk about the internal dialogue that goes on inside my head…about where I “hear” someone asking me whether or not I think they would like what I am doing at that given point, that they would approve of me and my choices, etc.It has been pointed out to me that no – not everyone hears this voice. Not that we don’t all succumb to it…it is just that often times we are so good at drowning it out by the noise of the day (TV, radio, internet, hustle and bustle, kids, husbands/wives, friends, bosses – you get the picture), we have no idea that voice is even going off inside our heads.
Really I find it amazing the more I talk with people about what I want to do with my life…the more I see the need for it. For it seems that as we get more technology – the less we seem to rely on our own brain, the less we realize that we can think for ourselves. It seems that people in this day and age just think they aren’t responsible for their actions because their actions, their behaviors are just driven by the events that occur in their life. Someone cuts you off – boom there is instant road rage that can’t be controlled. It’s almost like we think we are just animals acting on instinct…or as I’ve heard a couple of the pastors at Menlo Park Presbyterian say about what people think of themselves now-a-days, “We are just a sum total of our appetites.”
Yet, this is not true – not in the slightest. We are creatures, created with the amazing ability to think, analyze, process and more than anything – create. We are endowed by our Creator with the ability to partake in His amazing world of art and creation. And it is from these thoughts that our feelings are birthed…and from our feelings that our behaviors stem (the basis of CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy).
It looks a little like this:
#1 External event occurs ==> #2 Your thoughts form
==> #3 Feelings about your thoughts about the event form ==> #4 You act or react to the event
In Life Skills, we learn there is another step in this process…the step #2 where your thoughts form. Instead of processing the event in just your conscious mind, it actually goes FIRST through your subconscious mind before getting spit back out to your conscious mind where you then decide to formulate feelings and actions.
Now the subconscious mind, well think of it as your hard drive on the computer. It is where everything that has ever happened to you, everything that was ever said in ear shot around you or to you, everything that you have ever experienced has happened – since your 3rd trimester in utero – is recorded. The subconscious mind cannot process anything that happens to you – it is just where it is stored. Yet, when an event happens – your mind goes looking for a similar event back in your subconscious to compare this current event to…and wham you are now reacting to this event not just as your modern day self…but quite possibly as your young child self.
You might have to stop and think about this for a second! – but basically as adults rarely do we react to an event without it being influenced by something that happened to us a children or past relationships. This is why old patterns are so hard to break…
….why being self-critical is so hard to break,
…..why we tend to end up with the same type over and over again…
…….why addictions are so well ingrained,
…..why we don’t feel we have any control over our bodies and our actions or reactions.
This is why we do the things we do not wish to do while we do not do the things we wish to do.
So much of our lives is lodged in the subconscious where we can ignore and pretend it is not there…where we can “first deceive ourselves it is not there and then convince ourselves we are not deceiving ourselves. ” (Lewis Smedes)
Knowing all this, it is quite easy to get locked into autopilot…go about our days and not stop to think once about what we are thinking. Not stop once to turn the critical, judgmental finger pointing out towards the world where all our problems seem to originate – not to turn it inwards and see what in the world is really going on inwards, in our thoughts, our minds, our hearts…our souls.
John Ortberg just did an amazing talk yesterday based on a book by Dallas Willard that explained all this in yet a different light – and helped me gain even more insight into my internal world. Here’s the link in case you have time – I challenge you to listen and see if you can spot the different parts of your self in this talk: Anatomy of a Life “With God”
Back to my original point – that while I admitted to the world that yes, I the Joy Gal, hear voices in my head …you might just not be there yet. You might just not be at the point where you are ready to admit this to the world…let alone to yourself.
Yet, if you start training yourself to start tuning into your internal dialogue….if you spend enough time and energy stopping to write down your thoughts behind your feelings…you eventually might realize that you too are hearing voices. Voices that mask themselves as loved ones, as people whose voice you know so well it gets lodged into your subconscious and gets all tangled up with your own. It is these well known voices that tell you that you…
……aren’t measuring up
……aren’t good enough at what you do and insist you push harder, work longer, drive further
…….aren’t skinny enough or in shape enough
……. aren’t pretty or tall or handsome or muscular or fit enough
…….that you aren’t allowed to like what you like
…….that you have to have the new latest gadget to be in the hip crowd
…….that you must do ______ to be liked or admired or affirmed or accepted
……..that you must listen to this/these voices as they are your sounding board of “truth”
You too are hearing voices….and I guess the question is are you willing to admit to it as well?
