The GIFT of CIRCLES keeps GIVING

keeps giving, keeps circling me around and around…

and I am begging to get off.

 My head is swirling, dizzy am I as I keep going round and round,

deeper and deeper into the Dark, the unknown, the Secret Place.

I feel all alone, cold, confused.

I feel angry, full of rage and hate and furry.

I feel scared and fearful of what is next.

I feel excited, anxious and elated at what is next.

I feel passion and lust and desire and yearning.

I feel compassion and human understanding, self understanding.

 

I am swimming in the depths of the Dark Ocean

my tank is nearing Empty

my breathing is shallow, forceful and fast

I have no sense of what is up and what is down

of what is forward and what is backwards.

 

I feel unsure of where I am

Every day, every moment brining a new feeling

a new sensation

a new view of the situation.

I see signs

I see numbers

I sense a presence

Yet nothing is coming together as I would like

Not as I have been promised it would come

to some fruition at my efforts within my own soul.

 

I have tried running,

I have tried waiting,

I have tried letting go,

I have surrendered…which led me to

letting ago…yet again.

And yet again find

myself in a place of resistance…yet again

throwing me into a desire to run,

to throw up my hands and say I am done!

No more waiting, no more sitting in the dark,

I am moving on and moving up.

Yet I quickly CIRCLE back around to the desire

to not repeat the ways of my past, to find my root, my core

to stake my feet deep into Mother Earth and figure out the way

to my place and art of Surrendering to these circuitous Circles once again.

 

What is truth?

What is reality?

What is Real?

Which story is the RIGHT story that I tell myself?

Or are any of them Right?

Or are they just what I needed to hear for the next step?

Which Story will I settle on today?

Why cannot I not just hear the Voice say something,

 anything that will give me some Clarity,

some Understanding, some Meaning in this place?

 

I asked the Gift to keep me in the Dark, to keep me out of the Light that would keep me in my head,

in my story and out of my body, out of my need to practice the art of Surrender to Universe.

I am full of regret for asking this.

I want to take it all back.

To say that I am still scared.

To say that I am still lost.

To say that I have no idea where I am and

to scream that I WANT OFF.

Please make the spinning and reeling that has become my life these past months, years stop.

I will do anything, whatever I need to make the spinning stop.

To feel my feet firmly on the ground for more than a day.

To make sense of my dark, deep watery place.

I asked the Gift to keep me in the Dark, to keep me out of the Light that would keep me in my head,

in my story and out of my body, out of my need to practice the art of Surrender to Universe.

I am full of honor for asking this.

I want nothing more than to find my way thru this.

To look back from the surface or the depths – of whichever way is my way –

and to know that I found my Way.

To say that I am full of Strength, Determination and Clarity on

Who I Am, Who I Am not, of what my new boundaries will be, are now.

To Know that I found the Way to Harmonize and Balance my own

Power and Strength

to reach my destination on the Shores of Freedom

to land safely in the Harbor of Acceptance

to find my Land Legs of Love

once again.

 

keeps giving, keeps circling me around and around…

and I am begging to get off.

My head is swirling, dizzy am I as I keep going round and round,

deeper and deeper into the Dark, the unknown, the Secret Place

and I am begging to keep going.