Dear Brothers,
While women might not admit it (because they haven’t taken ownership of the work they need to do for themselves yet) ~ what we need most is for you NOT to do the work of healing this issue of #metoo for us. This only perpetuates the “Damsel in Distress” story we desperately need to learn how to save ourselves from. Please do not try to be the Prince, rushing in to rescue us with more of the male need to be the “savior”…instead of encouraging us to find our own voice, to name our own standards and to hold to them.
What we NEED MOST FROM YOU is for you to see your own wound in the #metoo issue, to see how you internally abuse your own internal Feminine nature of the Life/Death/Life cycle, to admit this wound, own it and allow yourself to be broken to tears over it.
Only in doing this work will we ever be truly able to eradicate abuse of all kinds. For only when we each do our own internal work of seeing the abuser and abused within, will we be able to have compassion for the abused and abuser without.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes says it best in Women Who Run with the Wolves when she shares about the 7 stages of Love in the “Skeleton Woman” (chapter 5):
“To love another is not enough, to be ‘not an impediment’ in the life of the other is not enough. It is not enough to be ‘supportive’ and ‘there fro them,’ and all the rest. the goal is to be knowledgable about the ways of life and death, in one’s own life and in panorama. And the only way to be a knowing man is to go to school in the bones of the Skeleton Woman {Lady Death}. She is waiting for the signal of deep feeling, that one tear that says, ‘I admit the wound.’
This admission feeds the Life/Death/Life nature, causes the bond to be made and the deep knowing in a man to begin. We all have made the mistake of thinking someone else can be our healer, our thriller, our filling. It takes a long time to find it is not so, mostly because we project the wound outside ourselves instead of ministering to it within.
There is probably nothing a woman wants more from a man than for him to dissolve his projections and face his own wound. When a man faces his wound, the tear comes naturally, and his loyalties within and without are made clearer and stronger. He becomes his own healer; he is no longer lonely for the deeper Self. He no longer applies to the woman to be his analgesic….
The tear of compassion is wept in response to realizing the stinking wound. The stinking wound has different configurations and sources for each person….When men have wounds like these, you can smell them coming. No woman, no love, no attention heals such a wound, only self-compassion, only attendance to one’s own wounded state.
When the man cries the tear, he has come upon his pain, and he knows it when he touches it. He sees how his life has been lived protectively because of the wound. He sees what of life he has missed because of it. He sees how he hamstrings his love for life, for himself and for another.” pages 165, 166, 167
Again dear brothers, do not get lost in the societal story of “tho must save woman”. We women are not your work. You are. Anything else is just a distraction to the REAL WORK that you must do here.
The real work is to be able to locate your own “stinking wound” within and let it bring you to the transformative power of tears. Tears that show you are a broken soul, tears that will become the balm of the wounds you also bear.
If it is the tears of your sisters that encourage you to feel your own – so be it. Please do whatever you need to do in order to find your own tears ~ so that you may enter into the transformative power within that those tears will bring.
Then and only then will you draw woman back to you and allow her to be able to Trust you again.
Lastly, I want to humbly offer that I am a woman with a deep Soul call to help my brothers in this lifetime. While I love working with my sisters (and will always be available to them), I feel a special call to work with men. If you are a man wanting to learn how to:
* find, admit and own your wound fully
and/or
* want to learn how to harness your sexual energy for healing and good…for nurturing and creativity…
…then please know I am available for you in this manner. While I would rather talk specifics on phone or in meeting, here is the general manner in which you can work with me:
Body/Energy + Coaching Session
