I Am Safe

COME DANCE WITH US MAY 24TH as we explore what it means to feel “I am Safe”
6:30-7:25 Orientation (1x requirement): Body Language 101 for Conscious Dancing
7:30-9:00 Dance
Pacific Cultural Center, 1307 Seabright Ave, Santa Cruz, CA

INVITATION: I Am Safe
What does it mean to feel safe?  Where does safety really begin: out there…or in here?  Do I feel safe in how I show up in the world – even when I show up in full humanness?  Am I a safe person for others in my life?

To help us get started exploring this theme, I share some thoughts on safety based on experiences. From there I offer two Body Language tools to practice in the Dance Lab time to help create safety both within and without.

I am by no means an expert on this topic.  I simply have spent a great deal of the past 8 years learning why I have felt so unsafe in my life – and doing something about it.

Lastly, for the record, the stance of Movement Medicine Dance is this…

Safety is primarily an inside job.
If we want to feel safe on the Dance Floor or in life,
then it is our individual responsibility to make choices that move us towards creating internal safety.
While MMD Orientation exists to help create a collective sense of safety, it is really the empowering of the individual to create their own internal safety that will bring the safety to the collective.

WHERE DOES SAFETY BEGIN?
Currently, there is this situation in my life where I caused a break in a relationship from an unconscious state of feeling unsafe – hurting someone I deeply care about.

This Soul has since shared with me that, because of my choices and how they landed with them, they do not feel safe with me. 

No surprise really – but still Ouch!

In hearing this, I was given the opportunity to swallow my pride, own my actions, offer an apology and a request:

What can I do to make you feel safe with me?

The thing is ~ even as I heard this heartfelt question come out of my mouth ~ I knew the answer wasn’t and isn’t simple nor clear-cut.

That is because, in my own life, as I have deeply examined how my life on Earth School set me up to experience “unsafeness” from the crib onward, I have come to realize that safety is primarily an inside job.  Sure, there are some things people can do with their energy & body language that can help make us feel safer.

Yet true safety begins at home – within our own bodies and psyches. 

In short, we can only reflect the safety – or lack of safety – to another that we have inside of us.

If we are feeling unsafe, scared, afraid when we act or react in any given situation – then the situation is going to reflect whatever we are feeling – plain and simple.  Whether we are conscious of our level of internal safety or not.

Furthermore, people will mirror back to us that which reflects their own inner reality.  

This means that if both people are feeling unsafe, triggers can abound and the situation could get really sticky, really fast.  A recipe for drama.

If one person is feeling safe and centered, however, then drama can hopefully be minimized while safety for the “unsafe” feeling soul can be addressed.  In this situation, it’s almost as if the person who says they feel unsafe is really asking you to help reflect what safety does feel like back to them so they can get some of that too.

Your goal in any situation: Become the person who is feeling safe and centered.

Now that we have a plan, how can we start creating deeper safety in us for ourselves first –
so we can then reflect it to others?
Why through Body Language and the Lab time of the Dance of course!

CREATE INTERNAL SAFETY WITH YOUR OWN BODY LANGUAGE
Please seek out a coach or therapist skilled in Somatics if you want to take this work deeper, have questions or need support. 

By no mean is creating internal safety a linear path nor a one-step process.  It is an ongoing process of uncovering what triggers your feelings of unsafety, letting go of the story, integrating the energy ~ wash, rinse and repeat.  While I am going to suggest a simple exercise using the Feelings – Emotions – Body Feedback Loop to build a sense of internal safety, there are so many other great tools to work with – such as Somatic practices, journaling, dancing, energy & coaching.

The great thing about the following exercise is that science has proven that what you feel, you emit/emote in your body language – and vice versa.  So if you want to feel better, assume a Power Pose! (This is also why dancing is soooo powerful to lift our moods!)

Here is a great shortcut to help access the Feelings-Emotions-Body Feedback Loop in an intentional way.  This is called “Creating an Anchor” in NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming).  Once an Anchor is created, it can be used prior to any situation where you need to be able to call in that emotional state quickly:

1. Take a minute to check in with how your body is feeling?  Stressed and tense or soft and relaxed?  What is your emotional state?  Anxious and scattered?  Calm and focused?  Tears or joy?  Whatever you are feeling, imagine a bubble outside of your energy field where you can place these feelings there, thus creating a clean slate for this exercise.
2. Assume a power pose, such as Wonder Woman (wide stance, fists on hips, chin up, shoulders pulled back and down opening the front of the body, sending energy down through the arches of your feet).  Or the “Champion” pose (both arms up in the air as if you are crossing the finish line). Or any other pose that makes you feel confident.
3. Hold this pose anywhere from 2-5 minutes.  The longer you hold it, your cortisol (stress hormone) levels will drop while your testosterone rises.  Testosterone in both sexes creates more confidence, which creates more good feelings, creating a deeper sense of safety which creates more testosterone, etc.  No worries – you will not become the Hulk or Mr. Hyde by doing this exercise!
4. As you are holding this pose, conjure up a time in your life when you felt incredibly safe and/or powerful and in control.  It needs to be a really powerful emotion.  If none come to mind, create one for yourself.  The mind doesn’t know truth from fiction -and it is the emotional juices you need to anchor in the Feelings <==> Emotions <==> Body feedback loop.
5. Break the pose and walk to another part of the room.
6. Resume the pose, drawing in the emotional state and hold for another 1 minute.
7. Break the pose.  Check in with how your body feels and what your emotional state is now.  Do you need a few more rounds?  Or are you feeling the confidence, safety and poise yet?
8. Any time you want to feel this sense of safety, assume the power pose until the feelings wash over and through you.  And off you go!

In The Dance Lab: While practicing these poses are awesome during a conscious dance set – please note these might NOT be the best poses to do in front of people you want to feel safe around you.  This is because they are actually Alpha poses, or at least the ones I suggested.  What you really want to take from this exercise into your interactions is the feelings and emotions – which will program your human energetic field surrounding you.  The Heart Math Institute has proven that we have a 10-12′ diameter energetic field around us that people feel and react to, either consciously or unconsciously.

CREATE EXTERNAL SAFETY: SHOW ME YOUR HANDS
Again, the greatest thing you can do to convey a sense of safety to others is to feel and thus program your own energy with confidence, poise and a sense of your own internal safety.

When people can feel you keep your calm in the face of their insecurities, threats, criticisms and fears; when they sense you will not change who you are based on their whims – then they feel they have somewhere to land in the midst of the storm.  They will feel emotionally, psychologically and physically safer in your presence, attracted to your sense of security.  It’s like you have this Master Jedi skill to redirect their negative stories, fears, and doubts of you (and of themselves) towards something more productive, inviting them into the Light instead of shuddering in the Dark.

After that, the best way to use the physical body to convey you are a safe person is this:

In Body Language, the #1 part of the body we are drawn to first is…the Hands.  
This is because back in those cavewoman/man days, we could tell from a long distance away if someone was a friend or foe by their hands.  If they had something in them that might be a weapon – well you can guess how that went down.

Today, this correlates to what you are doing with your hands to speak to others.  Closed fists, hiding your hands in pockets, wringing them, putting them behind your back or wrapping them around bags you are carrying conveys many things – but not a sense of “I am safe”.

If you want to convey warmth and safety, then “Showing Your Hands” is the greatest tool you have.  Being able to see the hands literally calms the reptilian brain, shows you have nothing to hide and builds trust.  So go ahead – show ’em what you got in ’em hands!

In The Dance Lab: Perhaps you have noticed someone that seems interested in you but hasn’t taken the lead in connecting.  Or someone that is new to dance, standing on the outskirts and you would love to encourage them to join in the fun.  Showing them your hands, using your hands to suggest it is okay to come in towards you, that you are open to the connection will be a welcoming sign to them they won’t be able to miss.  If they don’t respond right away – just be patient.  Keep showing them your open body language through your hands and eventually, they most likely will respond in some small way!

So there you have it – two great Body Language tools to help create a sense of safety first inside – that will be reflected outside.

If you want to learn more about how to use Body Language to connect with people with ease and confidence – please join me at one of our upcoming Body Langauge 101 Classes!

Now…let’s get Moovin!

MORE QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION
For the personal side:
Am I a safe to be seen in all my states – by me?
Am I safe to express myself fully to my Self – without restrictions, limitations or excuses?
Will I stay and be with my Self – or will I run away from my Self by numbing out in some way?
Can I fully hold my Self, hold to my Center when what feels like chaos abounds around me?

For when conflict arises:
Did I act from a place of feeling safe, or unsafe?
What do I need in this situation to feel safe in my own skin?
What am I scared to see about myself and my actions, and how can I be okay seeing this?
How can I reflect that sense of safety outwards?