"Quiet: The Power of Introverts" and the Power of Knowing Yourself |

I have been quiet for some time.

At first I felt too busy and overwhelmed to even think about this blog. I felt frustrated as my creative side seemed to have dried up with the business of life. I felt guilty for I committed to Crosswalk to post at least weekly…but how do you write when you are uninspired?

All this exasperated me for the one thing I promised myself as my life started to take off is that I wouldn’t lose my creative side again…

Then I found this book Quiet: The Power of Introverts.

I picked it up mostly to learn more about what I thought were my counterparts to my Extroversionness. I mean, I had learned in my Life Skills class that I was more in the middle of the I&E scale ~ what they call an ambivert ~ but that I still leaned towards the “E” side more than the other. Come on, I’m a people person: I coach group fitness classes; I can always find something to talk about; I can meet 10 new people in any new environment; I can small talk with the best of them and always want to include everyone I know in any social engagement I host.

So I picked up this book to learn more about others…not about me.

Yet, wait…what is this? In taking the test in the book and another online – I score more than just in the middle of the scale. I score more towards the “I” side of the scale. In reading just the first chapters of Mrs. Cain’s book I feel a truth starting to resonate, to resound inside my soul. I find myself again and again saying, “Yes, yes…” to her list of what makes an introvert an introvert. I didn’t even have to give pause to my answers…I knew in the depths of my soul that they were true.

I find myself thinking back over my life and realizing that this

~ leaning towards my “E” side ~

must be yet another mask that I have donned

in attempts to fit in, to be liked, to be befriended.

I, as a young child, would cling to my mom in social settings. I always thought it was just because I was shy. Through high school and college I was a bit of a social misfit…retreating to the security of the library to study – blaming this on my overload of coursework or my desire as a new Christian to avoid the social orgies that I was not uninterested in.

Actually, thinking back now, I think when I became a Christian at 19 ~ this is when the bug of needing to be more outgoing was watered. Where I had once spent ample time by myself writing stories and poetry, being creative and alone…I now found myself using what little free time I had learning the Bible, going to bible studies, church and retreats. I mean – how do you share your faith and get people into heaven if you aren’t’ doing these important things?

Looking back over this past year, I have so enjoyed having “me time”…and a LOT of it. It has allowed a part of me that had gone dormant to once again spark to life. The depth I once prized as a young woman that had all but disappeared has resurfaced. The creativity that itched to be released has found a way to do just this.

To return to Susan Cain’s book…I am so thankful to Mrs. Cain for helping me identify yet another mask. While I do not doubt that there is quite a bit of me that lives in the world of “extroverts”…I am finding that I am once again set free by the truth of who I am.

In the past I have always felt a pang of rejection over not being invited along to activities; a sense of obligation to participate when I am invited; and relief when plans fall through and I get to stay at home as a result of life, not me.

Now, however, I can look at the truth of my personality and know that

I need to protect my alone time…

not just for the physical rest…

but for my outlet for creativity

and…

for the sake of my soul.

This weekend I decided to risk something…to try something new…to shed the mask and let myself come out of hiding. I decided to “unplug” from technology and society. I decided to have a mini-soul retreat right here in my own home. I decided that this wasn’t anything to feel guilty about, that I didn’t need to feel guilty about not being social and outgoing…because I now realize this is what my soul needs. Not just because I am in grieving, in recovery, in a healing process…but because God created me with a distinct side of introvertness.

In this process, I have learned:
~ That sometimes words are not needed, that writing or speaking is not the only way to express what is in one’s soul.
~ That withholding sharing isn’t avoiding the truth or being dishonest, but a way of holding onto a piece of myself that is between me and God…making it more sacred in the process.
~ That just as there are mysteries of God I will never understand…there are mysteries of myself that I will never be able to explain to myself let alone an audience that knows only a fraction of who I am.

In this process, instead of trying to match what others and what the world prizes, I have found MORE FREEDOM in accepting the truth about myself. In this process, my thoughts have more space inside my head, my creativity is resurfacing and my soul feels restored and refreshed and ready to Practice Joy once again. In this process, I find a way to integrate my grief, my losses with my hopes and dreams…

“At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion;

who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams.

Although they are often labeled ‘quiet,’

it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to our society –

from van Gogh’s sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer.”

Quiet by Susan Cain

Susan actually says in both her book and her TED talk that at least one-thrid but maybe as much as one-half of society might be introverts. If this is true…

Could it be true that you are a poser, a mask wearer as well?

Could you really be an introvert in extrovert clothing?

If you are, how would you live today differently

knowing that the life of your soul is at stake?

“When Words Won’t Come”
I try my hand at painting…and you?