A few minutes later the kids ran out excited for the start of the day…asking for her to turn on the TV. Her hands were covered in pancake batter so she decided to ask him to get it. To this he replied, “Well now, if your mommy could be home on time from the gym, kiddos, she would have been done with breakfast by now and could have helped you all turn on the TV.” “So he had noticed. Rats,” she thought to herself.
“Plus,” he continued, “can’t you say hello to your father first? What is more important, that TV or paying attention to your father?”
She noticed her eldest shoot her a glance that she couldn’t quite read. Was she sympathizing with her mother or blaming her for their plight of not getting the TV right now — and having to give their father their attention?
As the kids filed over to hug their father and sit and give him their attention for a moment, she was tempted to pipe in and tell him it wasn’t her fault, that there had been an accident…but she was afraid of this leading into an argument of some kind – as was the case more often than not now-a-days. She already knew that his reply would be either she shouldn’t need to go to the gym in the morning when she could go during the day; or she should have left earlier to ensure she had ample time to get home in case anything happened. (Of course, when he noticed she wasn’t working out – she was sure to hear about that as well…so she guessed it was better to work out and be late some times rather than to receive derogatory remarks about her body parts.) No it was better to just issue a quick apology and get on with her day.
The next few seconds happened so quick she didn’t know what happened exactly. He didn’t hear her apology over the kids, and before she knew it he was raising his voice asking her what she was mumbling about. When she commented she had apologized, he quickly replied that she had not. When she said he must not have heard it over the kids, he said he didn’t like being called a liar. When she said she wasn’t calling him a liar – “please could you just accept that I apologized,” he stood up in a subtle way that still made the kids jump ever so slightly… and approached her with eyes wide and a certain annoyed look on his face. It wasn’t an extremely bold move, not one that would catch the attention of most outsiders…but one her kids and her knew quite well. It was their signal to “stop pushing his buttons” — as her counselor had told her in their last session. While her inner heart was taking a nose dive because she knew she had apologized, for the sake of the peace of the family she quickly apologized in a louder voice and asked him what he wanted for breakfast. This, for the moment, diverted anything from happening as he loudly said, “Thank you dear.” Then to the kids, “See that kids, it’s important to apologize when you have messed up.” Turning to her, he moved in for a hug and said, “I forgive you.” She stiffened at his hug ever so slightly. He turned back to the kids and commented, “Mommies and daddies show they love each other by hugs and kisses. See I love your mommy,” and he looked into her eyes with some softness that she was grateful for and felt her self relaxing a bit. He really was a good father and worked so hard to provide for them…she was just being over-sensitive lately. He had told her how stressful work was lately and that he just needed a little time to get thru this and then things would get better again.
She didn’t recall that he seemed to say these exact same words every couple of months – basically, whenever he felt she was losing control of his household. Honestly he wasn’t that stressed at work…what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. No, he was stressed really just at home when she and the kids were acting up. It made him nervous that she wasn’t able to handle the job and that maybe he should push harder with her counselor to see if she needed more “help.” Sometimes he just found he needed to give her a little incentive to be the wife and mother they both knew she was meant to be.
After another hour at his computer, eating his pancakes and once in a while having to pipe into the family life to ask them to be quiet…he finally left the house – glad to be on his way to a place where he knew he was appreciated and people would do what they were asked to do in a prompt and courteous manner. He was a CEO of a mid-size tech company…a position he had worked hard to obtain – in more ways than one. He never did anything exactly illegal, but again what others didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them…and it was just boarder line immoral…but he knew that if God hadn’t wanted him to be where he was, he wouldn’t be there.
He was still on the younger side to be where he was, but because of his stellar sales ability – which his close friends affectionately called him a “master manipulator” cause he could talk anyone into buying almost anything he wanted them to – his company had recognized his promising abilities and were quick to do what they could to secure him with the company. He always knew he would be here, the top floor corner office – the paycheck that afforded him a Porsche Carrera and the house in the Hills; first class vacations where he could bring along his parents and brother so they could help his wife with the kids; private schools for the kids when they started; and most importantly a position of leadership within the church, a position he had easily been nominated for after his generous donation of both time and money and smooth talking about what needed to be done. This leadership position at church was most important to him in order to help round out the picture of who he always wanted to be.
Yes, life was good being him…even if his wife did frustrate him with her inabilities to maintain their home to their exact desires. Whenever he really needed something from her, she was usually accommodating after a few rounds of the normal back and forth that they would go thru. It was a little infuriating that sometimes he had to use a little sternness with her in front of the kids in order to maintain his headship in the house…he hated looking like that in front of the kids – but he wanted to ensure that everyone was living as they should be according to the Bible and sometimes he needed to exercise his authority in order to get there. Thankfully she had finally got herself into counseling for this and she seemed to be getting the idea of where her place was in the marriage. Life just works better this way.
* * * * * * * * * * *
When he left, she again breathed a little easier. It was always so much better when it was just the kids and her. Gosh, she would need to pray harder that his work stress would lighten up. She didn’t know why she was always on edge these days…maybe she needed to try to pray harder, especially for him and his walk with the Lord. He had swooned her in their early days with his apparent love for Jesus, buying her books he had found helpful in his walk, taking her to his church for he liked it better than hers where all her friends went — for he had felt they weren’t a good Christian influence on her. She was so thankful he realized this and saved her from going down a wrong path. He was always one to be involved in the church – at least on a surface level – always quick to be willing to give money and a helping hand…even if it was in order to hire the work the church would need to get a project done. They had tried going to a small group a couple of times, but he always seemed to have such a hard time a) getting done with work on time and b) connecting with any of the guys…and so they ended up arguing even more and she decided it wasn’t worth it for the outcome. At least he was willing to go to church every Sunday, to have the pastor and his family and even the elders over once in a while for dinner, to go to the church social events where they always had a good time — it felt like the best part of their family life together.
He had made a promise to pray with her every night before going to bed, and it was a promise he did keep – even if their fights kept them up till 2am. That was because they both had agreed before marriage to “never let the sun go down on their anger.” Even though they always made up before finally retiring for the night, lately she could not shake the feeling that they hadn’t really resolved anything in their “make-ups”.
Furthermore, every once in a while she got really excited when he started talking about wanting to become a pastor some day — and even every once in a while stand up around the house and start in on a sermon he would give. She was always really encouraging of these moments, “trying to encourage the good you see in someone,” as one counselor had told her to do.
Yet, on the other hand, in 13 years of marriage he had said many times not to question him about his faith whenever she would ask why they weren’t involved in a deeper way with others in the church; that he was having doubts and that if she questioned him it would only serve to push him away.
She did her best to honor this…yet is was more than disappointing that their spiritual life together never took off as she had hoped. She had asked many times to do devotionals together. She even went so far as to buy books for them to work thru – but either ended up doing them herself or they sat around and collected dust. To be honest, the only time he brought the bible into the picture was at church around others, in an argument to talk about his headship and her following his headship, or to remind her that God hated divorce — to ensure they were both on track.
Yet, if she stopped to think about it, she often heard him remark in the middle of an argument that, “Why don’t we just divorce and I’ll take the boys and you can have the girl.” She knew that he was just really heated and upset, that he was “flooded” as the counselor would put it…and that he didn’t mean this. He would always “take it back” during their make ups. Still, she had asked him to stop using this in the middle of argument. Again, she found herself praying to be able to give him more grace and to ask God to help him with his tongue.
She never brought up their spiritual life to her friends, the few friends she had since the kids came along. She had tried once, and a friend had said that she was expecting too much out of a guy – especially such a great husband as hers. That guys don’t get all ooey gooey about their relationship with God and that she was being too pickey and needed to be careful not to paint her husband in a bad light. She really hadn’t meant to do that…and she knew her friend wasn’t being mean when she said this – but was just trying to help her find her way in her young marriage. Furthermore, she never mentioned about the outright rages they would get into…because she figured everyone got into them – so why embarrass herself about the nitty gritty details of how incompetent she was as a wife and mother? Marriage and motherhood are supposed to be tough, right? That is what he and she did agree on… at least they had that.
