Have you seen this game show? I remember watching it when it first came out several years ago…on the beautiful Big Island, HI. I quickly found myself saying, “Yes I AM NOT SMARTER THAN A 5TH GRADER!”
I think this applies to my spiritual walk for the last 9 years as well. While I continued to do some very important things that kept me in the Word of God, such as Bible Study Fellowship (BSF for those in the know), Mother’s Together/Mom’s Time out and my own bible study….I definitely was some what stunted at that 3rd or 4th grade level in my walk with Christ. Sure I had the appearance of a more mature believer, and there was definitely some more depth that came in over the years…but in general I am learning now that I missed out on a lot and have a lot of ground to make up. Thank God that He is in the business of make-up exams!
For example, I never had that one-on-one discipleship right off the bat to get me going in the right direction. For those that are yet to know Christ, discipleship is a process where a new believer/follower in Christ is trained in the Word of God over a period of time – ideally at least a year if not longer. It is the process of maturing in how to learn basic things such as:
* how to pray,
* how to hear God speak in your own life (for yes He does speak in a very audible voice – but most of the time is so quiet YOU have to get very quiet to hear Him).
* a systematical way to not only learn scripture but also use it in any and every situation you may face in this life
* learn about the working and power of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer…really the power behind the walk
* how to confront your own soul and remove pride, selfishness and the like first before going out confronting others on their sin…(Amen, right!?) – which means knowing how to do the first couple of steps above.
Now, 15+ years later I am realizing how detrimental this missing link was to my walk and my choices as a young believer…and wish with my whole heart that perhaps I can help reverse the tide in my generation and that younger than myself. While I still have some time to go in my own period of discipleship, I pray I can one day teach other young women how the Word of God beneficial for making them complete in this life. It is amazing now as I am seeking different women to disciple me how very PRACTICAL the word of God is for conquering my fears, angst, worries, concerns, dilemmas….and even to keep me focused in my times of joy.
Another example of a different type is that I learned JUST TODAY what the Elders in the church are responsible for (dangling preposition, I know!). See, in my journey lately I have come up with a LOT of questions….I guess which are theological but I really don’t even know for sure. Any who, I have emailed several of our pastors as these questions pop up for me – usually from that pastor’s sermon(s). However, I KNOW they are super busy and don’t always have tons of time to sit and answer question on top of question.
Well, in meeting with some parents of an ol’ friend today, I discovered that the husband is about to become and Elder at MPPC…so being the inquisitive gal I am – I asked him my brilliant question, “So, what is the purpose of Elders any way?” (Again, if I would have had a proper discipleship upbringing, I think I would have known the answer to this question.) Mr. M went on ahead to tell me his responsibilities, which include shepherding the “flock” (as the congregation is called) – praying for them, praying for the pastors, calling on the Holy Spirit to be at the center of every thing we do at the church…to lay their lives down before the Lord so that they can help people like me live more closely with God. AND, AND – to answer questions of the congregation.
All of which makes perfect sense to my very industrial, division of labor, economic/business mind. This helps take the burden off the lead pastors that are up there teaching us every Saturday/Sunday and in between. This is the division of labor that Moses’ father-in-law (was it Jethro?) encouraged Moses to set up so that Moses wasn’t burning himself out. This makes perfect sense…as there are what like 10 or so pastors at MPPC but 5 to 6,000 members/congregants (for I’m not even an official member! – oops confession time again). I have to say that only having 24 or so Elders still seems like a small number, but I am sure to learn that our church has even more people to help…so I will wait to make say that officially!
So, to those pastors that I have emailed questions to that happen to read this…which are probably none – but just in case….why didn’t you refer me to an elder!!!??? I mean I am grateful you wanted to take your time for lil’ ol’ me…but I don’t want to be responsible for wearing any of you out with the burden you already carry. So while I thank you for your time and desire to help – I gladly will be going to Mr. M from now on…and will just continue to lift y’all up in prayer and with thanksgiving knowing there are other qualified people to minister to me on the one-to-one level.
On a more melancholy note: Another lesson I have learned in the last couple of months is that no matter how hard I try to reach out to others that are caught in the depths of deception, no matter what crafty and “almost genius” words I might use, no matter what arguments I come up with – there comes a point where I can’t do any more for that person I love…except shut up, hit the floor on my knees and pray for them to be broken from the bondage that ensnares them on every side. It is so painful, having been caught in such deep deception against my will just a short time ago…and I wish I knew how to just pick all of these lost souls up and run as hard and as fast as I possibly could in the other direction. Yet, I am realizing that my best and ONLY defense is prayer…something I think a 5th grader would probably get quicker than I have in my adult life.
Oh, how I wish I had time and energy to share all of the other things God has been revealing to me over just the past few weeks. (Well, I do hope to share some of this as time goes by…my own personal on-line discipleship for those that seek it.) Yet, I had another revelation just a bit ago: I keep on saying that ALL the supernatural work God is doing in me right now is hard to keep up with. The truth is, He is doing it at his pace and I am keeping up (at least I think I am)…but that I can’t keep up with the writing side – even with my own journal and especially not for y’all. For once in my life I am okay with this for I know that what God is doing in me He has to do if I am ever going to be any good for anyone else. That, when God’s timing is right, He will send me forth to help other wounded souls to become warriors as well. That while I might be able to touch a few people here and there in the meantime with my encouragement – that the true fruit of all this work He is doing is for later down the road.
That I don’t have to rush things…and neither do any of you…but all we have to do is to be honest with ourselves and with God and He will take it from there. He won’t push us faster than we can handle, but just at the right pace for you, for me and for that girl or boy sitting over there in the corner. That God won’t push and pride His way into my life, into my heart – or any of yours…but patiently wait for you to make the choice to come to Him. He is better than any earthly Father, for He has the patience of eternity on His side…He is slow to anger, abounding in love …and can’t wait to call you daughter or to call you son…and can’t wait to wrap you up in His big, burley arms, never letting you go…and telling you that you are home.
And this leads me to the desire to share with you my story of how I finally recognized the voice of God calling to me – for as I alluded to in my last post, I realized that I have pretty much always heard God’s voice and call in my life… I will try to make this as quick as possible…but cannot promise to succeed :-)…and that is why it will be a 2 part story…tune in tomorrow for that story! But the picture is a preview if you want to garner a guess…
