I was a swimmer in high school. I stumbled into the sport by “accident”…after trying out for several others and being denied (stab in the heart) I found Miss M and the Munster Seahorses would accept anyone. Good for me…and actually for them as it turned out I had some talent in the sport.
Yet, one thing my fellow lane-mates would tell you is that I STINK at pacing. I would often volunteer to lead…but not knowing how to pace I would burn myself out half-way thru the set and have to take a break and join in at the end of the pack. Being there was not ideal for my mates either, as they would constantly feel my hand on their heel as I would swim right up on them. We laugh about it now, but I am sure I drove them nuts back then.
However, the second time around, with a little more coaching…I completely surprised myself. I decided to listen to her advice and to settle into my stroke and find my rhythm. I enjoyed the race so much I couldn’t believe it when my teammate was showing me the sign it was the last lap. Having been more of a sprinter, I turned on the speed and finished the race. I have NO idea where I placed in that event for that meet…but I know one thing: I was disappointed that my coach never put me in that race again. I often look back on my swimming career and wonder if I had once again forced myself into thinking I was something I wasn’t and missed the thing that I was.
I wish I could say that this one event in my life taught me how to pace for the rest of my life…but I cannot tell a lie. I have been speeding through much of my life since. For example, I took 1 semester off college, transferred to a new college, studied abroad in Spain for a semester and still some how finished my Business major and Spanish minor in 4 years (but only 3.5 years of school time). I do NOT recommend trying this at home – it was insane to say the least…and left me no time to learn the important lesson of how to build healthy relationships. A lesson you know I am just learning now.
This lesson came to the forefront again this last week. I have had a LOT of time these last few months to spend reading, journaling, writing, working on my relationship skills and more – and I have thoroughly enjoyed this part of my journey. I knew that this time is rare for most to have…and something that wouldn’t last forever. I debated with my counselor actually on whether or not it was smart to push forward, push ahead in my “healing” process while I had the time. Now I shake my head and wonder if this is even possible, if this was a smart idea? I understand there is only so much a mind and the soul can take at one time…but like my heel tapping days in swimming – my impatience usually gets the best of me in all areas of life.
We have a saying in Life Skills that most of us hate…even though we know it is true.
It has taken me a long time to learn this…to learn that not everything has to be done right now, that not every idea I have at any given moment has to be acted upon. Yet, this last week, something has changed. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment. Maybe sitting on top of a hill last weekend, baking in the warm Californian sun and looking out at the entire Bay Area when I had an amazingly sweet revelation and breakthrough from God…maybe that was the moment. Or maybe during my bouts of just allowing myself to sit on my couch, purging my body of its pent up tears this last week. Or maybe hearing from a couple of sources that I at times tend to be a little overwhelming with my passion and ideas — or maybe it was when I heard John O. talk about Peter and realizing that I am much like this dude much to my dismay.
Or maybe it was sitting at Sanctuary this past Sunday and learning the recipe for renewal that I see I have been living in:
