"Addicted to Love" – the Break Up

Every good romance novel or romantic comedy has the “it” factor – right?  They build up the drama and intensity, only to let you come crashing down into the unexpected before lifting you back out of the despair into the ending you want to see happen.  Bella and Edward part ways in just the 2nd book; Elizabeth Bennet’s prejudice about Mr. Darcy’s pride almost ruins their love affair; Anne dodges Gilbert for most of the series – at least in the movie – until she almost loses him to death; Edward almost loses his prostitute-princess Vivian to college (“Pretty Woman”); Kathleen & Joe nearly miss a life together because of their war over books (“You’ve Got Mail”); and the list could go on and on.

Okay – so some of these aren’t actually break ups…but they all have the same tensions involved.  The tensions of whether or not love will conquer all or if real life will prevail.  If “Love Sometimes Just Ain’t Enough” according to Patty Smythe or if Bryan Adams has it right and that “(love) is worth dying for” in his song “Everything I do, I do it for You.”  Gosh, just listening to these songs brings all the nostalgia back from the “romances” I had wrapped up in these songs, in my head and in my heart – so powerful they are!  (Oh, and why did I ever think Bryan Adams was cute!?!  Probably because he could sing and play a guitar…definitely not for the jeans and jean jacket!)

Seeing that I have often thought of my life in scenes of a movie…it seems only appropriate that I now throw a wrench in my plot, thicken the story line by breaking up with my… love addiction.  “Yet, if I break up with it – what is left for me?  I mean, what else do I spend my time on?  What else can give me all the feelings of excitement and fear, happiness and drama all at the same time?” I hear you asking- or maybe that is just me.  To be honest, I am not sure…but once I realized that I have an addiction and that chemically I am no better off than an alcoholic, that I am really more like a sex or drug addict than I thought – well, I decided that I need to start moving on!  

“How have you done this?” I hear you asking next.  Well, it is not easy — and I cannot say that I have completely let go…an addiction is hard to kick out.  But here are some things that have helped me:

* “Hello, my name is Real Mama and I am a Romance Addict” – yes, I introduced myself to my Life Skills ladies like this the week after I realized I was exactly this type of person – and we all got a good laugh out of it.  Yet, all laughter aside, being able to bring things to consciousness and admit them verbally takes SOOO much of the power of the addiction away it is unbelievable.

* My counselor, when I informed her of my addiction, said that the only way to get rid of it ….is to starve it.  “Why of course!  Why didn’t I think of that?”….and unbeknownst to me that is exactly what I have been doing for some time.  Yep, no romance books – Anne was returned to the shelf unfinished (actually, I think I skipped ahead to the very end – does that count?).  No rental of cheesy, predictable chic flicks or any sappy love stories.  And when I would wake up before the alarm, when sleep doesn’t come back so easily – but the trappings of a lovely love story often arise…well, I found myself not wanting to jump back into those thoughts so easily anymore.  If I was really honest, I would actually try my hardest to “write” the scenes in my head…yet nothing good would come to fruition.  So, being frustrated that my romance device isn’t working properly anymore – I either turn to prayer, actually fall back asleep or just get up and get going for the day.  No need to waste time day dreaming about that silly, fantasy stuff anymore…oh, so painful to grow up sometimes!

* Confess, and for me confessing all of it over and over again…just getting the stinkin’ repetitive thoughts out of my head helps so much.   Again, when you get it out of your head thru your mouth and it lands on other ears besides your own – the power of the addiction is limited to all but an infinitesimal amount.  Yippee!   Actually, it was perfect timing that my Aunt, the kids’ Mimi, was out for a visit this weekend.  Boy, did we have a good time!  I was able to confess my love addiction to her…and it brought many great conversations and revelations up.  But more than this, we were able to laugh at our silliness…okay especially my silliness – well that and of some others’ as well.  To be quite honest, I don’t think I have ever laughed so much or so hard in all my life.  Sunday evening especially as I was having dinner with some friends (and yes, food in the mouth and trying to laugh at the same time is a dangerous combination….please, please friends don’t try to repeat that with me!)….I get the giggles even now and can hardly shut them down.  If someone could have taken a snap shot of my blood that evening, I think they could have marketed the best “happiness” drug out there.  Seriously, I was like a silly kid that you just look at and she starts laughing…am I the only one that has had this happen to them – and not as a child but as a supposed adult?  All I can say is “Bob? Ed?” – sorry inside joke. In all honestly and seriousness…if you have been reading my blog for a while, you know this was good medicine for me….for “I dearly love to laugh.” (Elizabeth Bennet to Darcy)…but I digress.

* Moving my addiction from the humanly form to the spiritual form.  For me, this is Jesus – but of course. My perfect husband, my perfect prince charming.  Something hit me last week that I have struggled with since high school in regards to this.  I think it came from last week’s sermon (click here) where I heard that only God and Jesus are able to receive the full weight of the worship we have for them.  See, I have always felt this overabundance of what I thought was “love” stored up in my heart, spilling over here and there whenever I could find places to “put” it…where I thought this “love” was needed.  I have never known quite what to do with this “wellspring.” Usually this “love” wasn’t invited, welcomed or received well on the other person’s part.  However, I realized last week that this overabundance of “love” is really my worship for God…and what is worship if it isn’t love?  For He is the one that has poured it out from Himself to me.  I am guessing – so correct me if I am wrong – that if I keep returning that love back to Him – eventually that love I have for Christ will spill over in the correct way into other’s lives…bringing them the comfort and love that they need.  Oh, so much to learn – so glad I have time!

Lastly, I have to highlight the last sermon I heard from this weekend.  It was AMAZING.  This sermon took what I have been going thru these last months, years really and showed me how and why I have been changing – growing up emotionally and becoming a more “whole” person – an adult.  We are going thru a series called “Must Haves” based on the greatest commandment Jesus gave us, which is really based on the Shema from Moses back in the day.  It goes something like this, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your soul and all your strength.”  This week Nick Bott highlighted the mind part…and here, just go have a listen for yourself – I know you won’t regret it (even if you are not a follower of Christ, this is still the pattern all of us need in order to change our thought patterns and become who we dream of becoming!)

Closing thought (wow this was a short blog – hope you enjoyed it!): While I would like to think that I am completely over my addiction…that I have transferred all of my romance addiction to the one that can fully bear it – I know that I am all but too prone to this addiction roaring back to life at times.  The funny thing is I have led my entire life believing I didn’t have the “addictive” type of personality – yeah right!  

* Right now I am baking a dessert – “death by chocolate” – for bible study tonight; I had to fight tooth and nail not to get all gooey ooey with chocolate batter in my hair and face for I already showered.

* I have tried, unsuccessfully a few times in my life, to give up my addiction to coffee.  Sorry, teas just do not cut it for me.

* I never really thought I liked shopping.  Didn’t I do a blog about never say never?  

* Not only do I really enjoy the thrill of shopping…but I actually think I might have a problem buying things to get the miles and then returning them when I realize I really don’t need them.  Not only is this a waste of time, but of gas and energy as well.  Hmmm…

* Better add this one too – Internet junkie I am fast becoming!

I am sure there are more of these secret addictions locked up in my heart…but I hope that you and I can join forces to route out these false gods from our heart.  Not that any of these are bad in and of themselves.  Yet, when we we try to place all of our hopes of getting a “high” off these things – we are setting ourselves up for disappointment over and over again.  Which means we will just need a little more the next time to try to reach that initial high; and then a little more the next time…and a little more the following time.  A never ending cycle.  

However, if we take these tendencies to try to get “high” from whatever it is and place those tendencies at the feet of God – oh boy I can only imagine what He can do with us if we do this!  Is it wrong to get “high” off being with God?  Off praising and worshiping Him?  I sure hope not!

P.S.  This is the song we ended up with Sunday but I could’t figure out how to get the Facebook link in here…so here is another version.  Wonder if I will ever get to playing the guitar like these guys???