Are Men the Only Leaders? (Earthquakes cont.)

For me, the first tremors started about 4 months ago or so as just a little shake when I read in a church letter sent out from John O. that in our quest to find out where we as a church would be headed, I heard for the first time about the term “Egalitarian”.  This term caught my eye, but not enough to make me really take notice – not quite yet.  What I picked up most from that letter is this: MPPC as a church believed women could be ordained as pastors.

Next, my friend exposed me to CBE – Christians for Biblical Equality.  Another little almost unnoticeable tremor…I don’t even know if I put the organization with the term “Egalitarian” quite yet.  But it was nice to know there were people out there who thought that men and women were truly equal.  This should have been a sign to me – you would think – that perhaps my thinking wasn’t as far along as I thought…meaning that really deep down I didn’t think I was equal to a man.  Hmm….

About 3 weeks later, I finally pulled out the quarterly magazine my friend had given me from CBE…and read the first article in there.  The tremor was starting to pick up now and I was now feeling the effects.  We -my house and I – were now sitting somewhere at a 4.8-5.2 earthquake.  Shaking was noticeable, yet not too much damage was undertaken.  At least my stakes were still firmly in the ground…so I thought.  I think at this point it led me to do a big, “yeah that’s right CBE…this line of thinking about women being submissive can lead to abuse of power in the marriage.”  Yet, I still did not see the magnitude of what would be coming down the pipeline just a few nights later.

Once again, I turned to some old messages from Sanctuary…this one in their series WTF (It’s not what you think, really.  It means, “What’s the Fuss?” just in case you were wondering!).  This particular one caught my eye…where a few weeks ago it hadn’t.  “Why Does the Bible Say Only Men Should Lead the Church?“

I think my thoughts went something like this, “Oh yeah, great…what in the world is Scotty going to say this time…that just as I have started to see a different view of women…is he going to throw a wrench back in and prove that everything I have learned about women, men and society is really what the Bible says?  Okay, bring it on…let’s hear it!”

The thing is I think I had momentarily forgotten that I was at a different type of church than what I had been used to…and I was COMPLETELY unaware of what would come next…of the tremendous earthquake that would be the BIG one…not quite the 10.0 but still in the 8.0 range…massive destruction to my home, foundation, substructure, the stakes…all of it.  This would be the start of that rubble forming moment …and would continue for the next couple of weeks.  While the earthquake has been terrifying at times, frightening at the very least…I have to say it was also such a gift to my walk with God – I cannot even begin to put it into words.  If you want to know what was said, please listen to the message…otherwise we would be here FOREVER with my ability to write!  For now, let’s move on with my story…

Basically, I discovered that I – as a woman – am created just as equally as the man in role and ability and responsibility.  While I had known this consciously, I began to realize that subconsciously I didn’t really believe that “equality” was to be tangibly grasped in this life.   I unearthed the fact I am not called to check my personality at the door in a relationship with a man – whether at work, in the church or in personal relationships – but that I can use my God-given personality traits to speak my mind, in humbleness and gentleness…in order to inspire, dream, encourage and even lead.  That I am called by God to work in ministry with my unique set of gifts and calling…and by golly I have every right to do this — according to God.  That if, God willing, I ever marry again – I don’t have to check my ability to lead at the door…I can be a part of a dynamic team.

As I sat with these concepts…tears began forming in my eyes at the unbelievable gift this message from God was to my soul…I realized what God was really bringing into my life.  For the house, the foundation, the stakes – all of it was really a prison.  A prison that kept me in that “line of conformity” I spoke about previously (see “I Don’t Wait in Line”).  In a prison that others had imposed on me…but that I had kept myself locked into well beyond the necessary time.  As I looked around and surveyed the damage, I saw what God was really working into my life:

“FREEDOM” as Mel Gibson screamed in Braveheart.  Sweet, sweet freedom!  Freedom to be who I see God created me to be.  Freedom to admit I was carrying a wrong belief system, to lay it down, to let it die. Freedom to pick up what I feel God is calling me to pick up.  In declaring I was wrong in my beliefs – I found freedom in my soul.  I cannot express the peace all of this has brought into my life…even as I try to rebuild from the ground up.

I think instead of staying in that same place and trying to rebuild on that mess, though, I will leave it there as a testimony to what God has done.  No, I will move down the road a bit and start afresh–  in a new place!  First, though, I will have to climb my way out of this area – and be careful for the aftershocks that I can feel deep beneath the surface.  Just last night, I could feel the bubbles deep underneath the crust of the earth start their ‘bubbling” process again as I sat in my Life Skills class…and know that I am going to have to hang on for dear life on this next round …for this might be the 10.0 in my life that I was praying would never occur. 

Yet, as I step back from the heaps and smells of burning ash, smoldering iron and buried dreams – I realize this lesson has taught me so much.  That if I could have gotten this part of God wrong…what else am I getting wrong about His world?  How much more humility am I going to have to have as I myself relearn the things I have gotten wrong?  Can I even admit to the world I have gotten stuff wrong?

Continued with Headship vs. Synergiship where I discuss my own thoughts as to why I do not believe God would set up Complementarism and what I would like marriage to look like – if I go there again.