Reposted from the question on Quora
"How common is it for narcissists to also be bullies?"
Agh - here it is. The question: Are Narcissists Bullies?
In short - yes!
Does it mean that every bully is a narcissist? Not necessarily.
Does it mean that every narcissist is a bully? In my opinion, yes.
Let's dissect this a bit more:
Since a narcissist's world is all about them and they have little interest in helping others - unless helping others is really about helping themselves to the max - they use an unnumbered amount of ways to manipulate and control those around them to get what they want. To make themself feel better about themself through other people.
While they might not be out on the playground causing a fight or holding kids up against a locker for their lunch money, adult narcissists are every but as much as a bully. They simply use more sophisticated tactics to bully you.
And watch out for the Covert Narcissist*:
Those who appear genuine about you and humanity. However, when you take a step back, they are really manipulating you in order to make themself feel and/or look better. These types can show up in religions, yogic and other spiritual settings; politics, teachers, humanitarians; ponzi schemes, financial advisors and of course as bosses, friends and intimate partners.
7 Signs of a Covert Introvert Narcissist
I am totally guessing here - but since you are unsure if the narcissist in question is a bully - I bet you are dealing with a covert narcissist.
Bottom line: if you feel as if you are being bullied, you most likely are.
It means that this current person is doing it.
It also means that you most likely have had a pattern of being bullied - i.e. manipulated and controlled - in the past. So this current “bully” is hooking into that pattern in you and accentuating it.
So, if you want to stop the bullying:
- find the earliest instance(s) of being bullied,
- break that pattern and
- start establishing new patterns (by not staying in those types of relationships!)
- wash, rinse and repeat with any new bully that might show up
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For further understanding, read on:
Definition of a bully noun
- a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.
synonyms:persecutor, oppressor, tyrant, tormentor, browbeater, intimidator, coercer, subjugator;scourge, tough, heavy, bully boy, ruffian, thug, attack dog; informalbadass"you mustn't give in to the village bully"
Definition of NPD
The hallmarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding.
I would say those adjectives describe a bully to the T.
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MORE ABOUT: Covert Narcissist
I am not finding a great definition out there. The article I provided up there is helpful. This is the MOST tricky kind of narcissist (and part of me wonders if there are more of these than any other). 7 Signs of a Covert Introvert Narcissist
This type is so tricky and subliminal. They can say and even do (take action) that looks genuine and real. (Think Josh from Season 10 of the Bachelorette with Andi, where Andrew from that season was a more “revealed” narcissist.)
However, in the end, their intentions are not pure, honest and full of integrity for the betterment of a relationship and/or society.
They might say they want to do anything humanely possible to make the relationship work or make it better.
Yet, to them, because they cannot see or understand their own faults and how those impact a relationship - they are really expecting their actions (having deep talks, giving you gifts, going to therapy) to point out your flaws.
That in doing so, this will make you make all the necessary changes to see the world thru their eyes, and thus do all the changing. If you do this, you become their perfect puppet that always inflates their ego, makes them feel great about themselves, yada yada.
The trick is, for them to feel great about themself - well they need comparison. They need to know they are “better than” - and that usually is the person closest to them.
Hope this information was not just insightful - but also helpful to encourage you to make the changes you need to make to eradicate narcissism from your life.
As always, I am here to help make sense of the crazy making narcissist tend to make in your life. Please reach out if you need more help.
Blessings,
Holli
