Wanted to share this most excellent post today with y’all from a fellow blogger. Here is the link if you wish to read the entire post…and then my 2 cents if you care to read them below:
“We are conditioned not to talk about family secrets. I was taught in so many ways that ‘some things are not talked about’ and I was so afraid of the consequences of bringing shame on my family that I ignored the solution to overcoming the mental health issues that I had. Rejection from my family when I was a little child would have meant death. I believed as an adult that it STILL meant death. I had to overcome that fear.”
My two cents:
Abuse is sooo soo common in our day -and-age. “Good” ol’ fashion bullying that starts in childhood has far reaching effects into adulthood. One in four women are in an abusive relationship sometime in her life – a statistic now thought to be too low from under-reporting. Men can also be the victims of man-on-man or woman-on-man abuse. I even read of a Pastor who had to leave a church due to abuse from the congregation. One in two of our children is sexually abused. Family members leave their children thru many different avenues (death, neglect or desertion) but all are seen as rejection and the child grows up with wounds that can paralyze him or her for a lifetime unless death with and healed. How many of us actually grow up into adulthood, unscathed by major trauma inflicted on us by others? Even in the best of homes, the adolescent years are trying and heart-wrenching at the very least.
Yet, most of us walk around – unaware that we are Arrested in Development: trying to deal with adult life and adult sized problems with only a tool box of a young kid. In other words, we are trying to act as adults with less than a full deck of cards.
Just like any thing in life
…when we stop hiding it from one another, when we stop trying to pretend like we have it all together
…when we realize the vast majority of us are ARRESTED IN DEVELOPMENT – both victim and perpetrator –
…. when we we START speaking out and up against the evils in our society
…then the power of that evil is automatically lessened.
Healing can begin, shame is routed out, guilt is dealt with and people can start to live wholer, healthier lives.
In my Learning to Live, Learning to Love class (by Life Skills, Intl) we learn that there are 5 traumas that majorly affect the emotional development of a child. Guess the #1 trauma? Rejection. Yep – rejection…above any type of abuse – rejection is the biggest cause of Arrested Development. Why? Well, because any type of abuse ultimately results in the feeling of being rejected…and eventually the child will learn to reject themselves as well. It is sad that to think this is what happened to us as kids and that we have to get to a point of so much emotional pain as an adult before we are willing to look at the past and do the work. But thank God there is always the ability to heal…that shedding light on the truth, coming out of hiding – while scary and seemingly life threatening – is really so freeing and life giving in the end. It helps us who have been wounded to take responsibility..to move from victim mentality to survivor….and eventually to THRIVER. By taking that step – we take control of our lives back. No one has power over you, no on can contra you unless you give them that power or control.
The bold step to tell the truth starts to crumble the defenses the perpetrators use…thus breaking down their walls of “enablement”. The more of us that can speak up, that can shed light on this societal epidemic, the more likely we can reverse this horrible killer of relationships and families — bringing healing to the victim, the perpetrator and any innocent by-standers.
