Here is another post written and never published. Obviously have moved beyond even this.
Original Date Written: August 2012
I know, I know Mr. Blog. I tell you that I need some space, and now I’m the one coming around and crowding you. I don’t know what to say…but when I need to talk you are the best one to talk to! Do you mind?
Okay, so this idea of control and “not being in control” has come up for me a couple of times today…and well, I thought that maybe I should share my thoughts with you. For I feel this one is REALLY important to get down and to practice and to tell our other friends about…because I think it gets at the heart of something.
Here’s the thing: if you’ve been around the Christian circle for a while like I have…well you know the saying “God just wants to show me I am not in control,” comes up quite a bit. It came up today on K-Love. And it came up again tonight in a conversation with some friends. And I have to say, Mr. B, well it just really got under my skin for a couple of reasons. Let me see if I can explain – briefly. (I know, you’re right, brevity is NOT one of my strong suits but I can try can’t I?)
1) In rearing kids, I have tried many different books and techniques and prayers and approaches in order to get the kids to obey me. And the thing is, they still choose a lot of times NOT to obey…and this sets off not so pretty of a picture to paint. Then I found the class and book and method called Love & Logic….and they talk about “sharing control” with your kids…and they nail something on the head that rings true for us adults as well:
We all are BORN with the instinct to want to control things.
When kids (and I would argue adults) are given an opportunity to choose what they want to do, when they want to do it and how they want to do it…then they feel like they have some form of control over their own lives. When I actually remember to practice this “give them a choice” method – not always but a LOT of times – things go smoother and I get them to do what I need/want them to do.
2) John Ortberg in his message about the Soul (believe it is this link Identity) talks about how a person is built with certain parts included: a will, a mind, a body and a soul. He goes on to talk about how the “will” is the ONE place in the world where God has given us freedom to reign, to have control and to exercise that control.
Gosh – I think I might actually get this brevity thing here!
So – do you see where I am going here? So, if we are born with an instinct to exercise control….and the will is the one place where we can do this…I ask the question…
Does God really want us to forfeit control?
What happens when you feel like you are losing control? What happens to your mental state? Do you begin to feel helpless? Does it begin to make you feel off balance?
What do you do in order to try to right yourself ~ to feel less helpless? What do you “grab” onto in order to regain “control”?
I don’t know about you, but I don’t like the feeling of being out of control. Now, I know as a Christian that pat answer is something like this: “Well, we need to fight our natural tendencies for our tendencies aren’t godly or don’t produce godly results.” Or this: “Well that is why God wants to teach you you are NOT in control.”
Yet, I just have to question that…to ask where is the TRUTH in this way of thinking? Where is the FREEDOM in thinking like this? Where in the bible does it say that God wants to teach us that we are not in control?
Again, don’t know about you….but as I sit here I cannot think of one example of Jesus saying He wants us to learn that we are not in control. Quite the contrary…as I think over different stories I think Jesus taught exactly the OPPOSITE of this. I think He taught that we ARE in control of our wills (how we can do this is the subject of another post completely!), that He wanted us to know that He shares control with us because He knows that we are made for this capacity and this need…this appetite to control.
This appetite for control in and of itself isn’t bad – He made it! No, it’s not bad…but just like all appetites they can go array…
Okay – maybe the brevity isn’t there…
What does a life look like when someone doesn’t realize they can control their own little world, their own domain? What do they do in order to right themselves?
Why, they grab onto something – or someone – else and try to control that something or someone else so that they can exercise their God given, inborn need to control. This person – let’s call him Mr. A- doesn’t feel secure in and of himself, so therefore Mr. A is not comfortable with others being themselves. Everyone is “off balance” in Mr. A’s world ~ and thus Mr. A exerts all his energy and POWER in order to try to “balance” these other people so he can balance himself. These others retaliate against Mr. A maybe for a while…but eventually they get worn down, start to believe Mr. A’s misconceptions about who or what they are…and well, we end up with “abuse”.
Ta da! So we could solve our worlds abuse of others if we would just teach everyone NOT that God wants them to “learn you are not in control” …but instead teach them that GOD wants them to be in control…of what HE has given all of us the right to control…our little domain we are free to reign…over our mind, our bodies and our wills…
If it was only that simple…but maybe it is…
thoughts?
