En Fuego: To Scream or Not To Scream?

En Fuego… in English “On Fire”.

Bella Swan in a matter of a few short months will share with us via the big screen what it feels like to become a vampire (or will that be part 2 next year?).  If you have not read the series that has taken the female world – young, old and in betweens – by storm…let me briefly explain.  Edward and his vampire “family” have shared about the process of becoming a blood sucking immortal…and more importantly what it feels like for the vampire blood to mingle with human blood.  Essentially an ice cold burning sensation that permeates the body for no less than 3 days time – leaving most screaming from the pain.  But Bella – oh sweet Bella- has made a pact that she will save Edward from this agony by not screaming, but holding the pain in.  I don’t know that I could be that brave…

At least I wasn’t at my last acupuncture appointment.  Let me just warn you that if you do use this ancient art of healing, you might not want to tell your acupuncturist that you feel like you are “en fuego” at times…for I believe in my last appointment that I got a tiny, bitty taste of what Bella must have felt like – if vampires were a true phenomenon.  My sweet acupuncturist, Anya from Anya’s Practice, has an amazing gift from God to find just the right spots…and this day, she nailed it right on…letting the fire – and a  slight scream – out that needed to escape.

Do you ever feel like this…like your blood is pumping way to hot?  It’s feeding your passions, which begin to take over your soul…and you literally get this surge of adrenaline rush through your veins, where sitting still becomes an impossibility, and screaming is a definite must?  This surge might be from something REALLY good happening…or something REALLY bad happening… but rarely in between.

For me – at those times throughout my life when I have been able to emerge from “my shell” (if you don’t know what I am talking about here…may I suggest going back to the beginning and getting caught up so you know what “my shell” is from?); at those times when I awake from my “Slumber”…I seem to have this response…like my blood is on fire – En Fuego.   {Hmm, maybe I really am more for “Team Jacob” and the werwolves!}

Being an “athlete” (yeah – I said it!) this surge can be a very good thing for it drives me to push myself harder and faster…a great thing for those who attend my group fitness classes as well.  Many times going out for a really hard workout is the only thing that will satisfy these impulses and allow me to calm down.

Yet, this “En Fuego” can also have its damaging effects – such as keeping me from sleeping as much as I need; keeping me from being able to focus on my next step; keeping me from being able to have steady hands; keeping me from learning to pace myself for the entirety of the race – as my high school swimming buddies would attest to!

A couple of weeks ago, this state of being “En Fuego” was the case as I left the church after a really good meeting with Nancy Ortberg – who for some reason believes my story of where I feel God is leading me – and I could barely contain my excitement. Luckily I had brought my bike for a ride.  The only thing is the ride was way too easy — and so I decided to throw my Vibram’s on (you know, the five fingered/toe shoes) and go for a little run as well.

However, more times that not lately…my En Fuego has been coming from the other spectrum.  The injustices of the world, especially inside the Church…often leads me to want to SCREAM from the mountain top.  I want to shake the Church and tell them that God is really, really upset at us for letting idolatry and injustice take over His place of worship.  Where there should be solitude, peace and tranquility – where the oppressed and downtrodden should be able to find a place of refuge – it is more often than not a place of the exact opposite.  Perhaps even a place where the injustices the oppressed have suffered are multiplied, where they are the ones being “thrown to the dogs” by the very ones that God time and again commands us to protect.

Here is just a sampling of injustices that got my “En Fuego” going full force ahead last week…all in a matter of just a couple of hours!  All I can say is it was a good thing I had to be at a very important meeting – for who knows what I would have done to burn off this fire…

* I learned of yet another case where a dear sister in Christ is being ostracized by her church because she is divorcing her husband after several decades of abuse.  Although she has been going to the church for help for years – yet nothing has been working – just because her husband confesses with his mouth that he still loves her and wants to work on the marriage…they believe him and discredit her. They are going to denounce here publicly to the congregation, telling them to have nothing to do with her.  This scene is repeated time and again in the church.  For reasons that are all but too obvious to those that deal with abuse regularly, people are more apt to believe the abuser – most likely because of his charm, wit, ability to talk his way out of any situation – and put the burden of proof on the woman to save the marriage. Hardly ever is the man held accountable to actually do the hard work of stopping the abuse of power.   Nope, it is usually the abused that hears, “You just didn’t give it enough time; didn’t try hard enough; didn’t love sacrificially enough; etc.”  Oh, don’t get me started on this one…

* I had my own interaction with a gentleman who attests that most women have experienced abuse at some point in their life…but for some reason this isn’t an important issue to address in the healing process – especially when divorce is the most likely outcome of so many of these abusive situations.  My blood pressure at this point is growing past the ability to hold it within my veins.

* I heard an alarming statistic about men and internet pornography…and while doing a quick search just now, see that women aren’t fairing much better on this issue.  While all the disgustingness of this addiction is obvious…I know we all can fall prey to this sin in a day and age when the computers are easy access to quick fulfillment.  However, the reason my blood started boiling even higher is because of the way pornography portrays women.  Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,  says that pornography and violence are huge factors in creating a culture of abuse.  Considering how huge this industry is…and how the statistics on abuse are growing…there would seem to be evidence to correlate the two.  While we all play our part in our society…I really have to plead with women especially to stop and think about how you dress and act around men.  For while we have been “set free” from so much of the garbage that entrapped us for most of history, claiming this liberty so that you can dress however you want to – in next to nothing at all or in painted on clothes- does NOT HELP any of us!  It only reinforces that women are a fun diversion from reality, a piece of food, not worthy of being more than what society has penned on us for centuries.  Please, please stop taking all of us backwards by thinking that male attention to your skin is a good idea!

* Lastly, I was sitting around with a couple of other Christians just a few hours after the above had happened.  It was one male and 3 of us females.  We got into a discussion about the differences between egalitarians vs. complimentarians (sp?)…I was outnumbered 3 to 1.  I am new to this whole debate, not knowing the facts more than just hearing the sermon and few articles I had read.  As I challenged the male about what he was saying…I all the sudden felt the pounce of warfare come at me.  Except, I only knew it was warfare looking back from a distance.  No at the time, I just felt confused and disillusioned…saying that I just wanted to know God’s truth with my whole heart…crying out of frustration and fear that I might be getting this whole egalitarian view wrong.  How am I to go into ministering to women…and not know what the bible really says about women’s roles – and how I interpret them in my own life?

In a long round about way, my ending point to this post is this: That when you face a crisis of faith…that is not the time to run away screaming, throwing your hands in the air in defeat – is it?  No, I have found out that is not the way to handle these times.

So what did I do?  I took the screaming straight into my heart and allowed it to fire up my passion to seek out the Truth where ever I could.  I got in contact with a few others that have made the journey, who have researched for hours and years on end on this subject.  I was referred to some books that are on my new project list; while making appointments to talk with others.  I am spending time in prayer and deep thought on this subject.  And hopefully, once I understand the scriptures in their original languages enough I too will be able to have a better understanding of this hot button topic for myself – which I can only imagine will give me God’s power in ministering in the way I feel God is calling me to minister.

For me this issue – while I didn’t think it would – will be a make or break issue in my heart about the direction I take in preparing for my ministry work.  For as I read just the beginning of one of the books*  – I see that the way people view women and men based on the bible affects not only our families and our churches…but the entire way they approach God and the world He has made, and how things should work.  It is an issue that seems to be lying just beneath the surface of many in the church…and could potentially divide the church in many ways yet again…but for me I feel this issue has the biggest implications on my work with the abuse amongst us.

Stay tuned to the same Real Mama ~ Real Life station to see more on this hot button topic…and to see how my “En Fuego: To Scream or Not To Scream?” journey continues!

* Man & Women, One in Christ: An Exegetical and Theological Study of Paul’s Letters
 by Phillip Barton Payne

P.S.  Guitar News!  So, a good friend lent me her guitar (THANK YOU FRIEND!)…and after trying to tune by ear (laugh, laugh) I broke one of the strings (ekes – SORRY FRIEND).  Which was actually a good thing, for it got me in to the store where they showed me this nifty electronic tuner thingy that was not too expensive (which had kept me from the store).  Oh, so much easier – thank you technology!  I actually was able to make decent sounding chords today…now hopefully my left fingers won’t fall off from holding the strings down.  How long does it take to build those callouses up???