Fear = Opp to Grow

Just a quick post today…really!

I once again seem to have been thrown another wrench in “my” plans…yet the more I sit with the outcome of this “wrench” I see that it is really an answer to a prayer for me.  Not the answer I was expecting or wanting by any means…but an answer none-the-less.  Now the work of learning to accept this answer begins…and investigating where this detour will take me on top of that.  While I am sad to say the least – the amazing thing is I still feel extremely hopeful.  While I am scared – I still feel extremely optimistic that I am on the right path.

My new book at the moment – well one of them at least – is John Ortberg’s book If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat.  Of course I see my life these last months all over the story of how Peter took the bold steps to get out of the boat…just as I took the bold steps to move out of an abusive relationship, to work on fixing myself and getting my life back on track.  Yet, just like Peter…these last months the “storms” that a divorce will bring have certainly dragged me off course.

One of the questions John asks at the end of chapter one is the same question that popped up in my class last night…and so figured I better spend some time there.  It was the question: What fear or comfort is keeping me from trusting God?  What am I afraid of?

While I will not be sharing those inner details here…I did journal something I wanted to share as I looked at what my fears are telling me.  Hope and pray it is an inspiration for you as  you contemplate your next move of stepping out of the boat – or as John would call you – becoming a “boat potato”.

What God has promised might seem scary, even if it is the best thing for me.   On the other hand, just because it is the best thing for me — that doesn’t mean there will be an absence of fear and anxiety.  I’ve never ran a race, swam an event or taught a class where I haven’t had at least a touch of fear and apprehension – yet they are always great learning opportunities in the end.  The un-named fears rarely materialize.   And those that do I am able to handle one-by-one, step-by-step.  He never promised the easy path…and the fact that I am scared and fearful is a GOOD sign…for that is a sign that I have growth to do.    And since growth is what I want and where I am going – why would I want to pass that up?  Like Peter, I took the brave step of getting out of the boat several months ago.  But also like Peter, I have allowed the storms raging all around me, the storms of “fear”, “self doubt” and the “unknown”….to catch my eye and weaken my focus and thus my faith in God.  I know that my faith will not always be perfect…that I am bound to mess up on the way to figuring out who I am created to be…but I also know that every once in a while I will walk on the water!