With the rate of relationship abuse being the experience of 1 in 2 women in the Western world (and this is from reported stats I believe…how many of us don’t ever report it or declare this as the reason for divorce), chances are you or your girlfriend sitting next to you at work, in the pew or in the classroom have been at the receiving end of what Sue Monk Kidd calls the Feminine Wound.
As I move forward with my cause to eradicate abuse from the world, I will be spending time on this blog and in my upcoming books (re)defining what abuse really is. For myself, I found that not until I had the broadest scope of what abuse really is – and where it really comes from – I wasn’t able to fully start the process of divorcing myself from abuse in all forms. I believe that much of the reason the rates of abuse (in all forms) continue to go up stems from the fact as a society we are not yet good at really defining what abuse is until the abuse progresses to more visible forms.
In short, here is my working definition of abuse: anytime someone tries to define your reality for you – uninvited by you.
ABUSE HAPPENS ANYTIME
1) any one steps out of their own personal experience
2) and tries to step into another person’s world/reality to tell them
a) how they should interpret their experience, feelings, thoughts, beliefs or
b) to tell them how to behave, feel, think or believe about the experience
(and this can be done in non-verbal communication through looks, slight nudges,
kicks under the table, etc.)
To add to this, this definition can also apply to
3) Anytime anyone uses a higher authority other then themselves and proceeds with number 2 – this is also abuse.
4) This means that a person can use a higher authority even on them self to inflict abuse.
This might not be a popular definition, especially in our “Big Brother” societal setting that helps keep our modern day civilization in tact. However this definition, at least to me after my many months of years of trying to understand and study the roots of abuse in relation to my own experience, has helped me finally get to the source of where abuse starts from.
This is a much broader definition of abuse then I have ever seen in any of my many moths and years of studying abuse – save maybe Patricia Evans in her illuminating books about Relationship and Verbal Abuse. The problem with most definitions out there is they start too late in the progression of abuse.
Tomorrow I will give you a recent example of abuse in my own life.
WILL YOU ADD YOUR VOICE TO THE CAUSE OF ERADICATING ABUSE?
If you will, please join my mailing list to stay in touch and learn more about abuse, how to spot it and how to stop it in its tract.
If you have a friend, sister, brother (for men are not immune to being at the receiving end), family member, co-worker, etc. that has come to you with stories of mal-treatment by others in her life – and you think it is safe to do so – will you please consider sharing my blog and newsletter with her? You might just be their first step towards divorcing abuse in thier own life.
If you feel comfortable sharing on your Social Media networks, please do so.
If you would like to leave a comment for me, please let me know if it is okay to publish. And know you can leave it anonymously.
STAY IN TOUCH
If you or someone you know has been touched by abuse, please know that you are in a safe place. Sometimes the voices of our society shame us into staying quiet, and this is exactly how domestic abuse – how all abuse continues to grow and flourish at alarming rates. If you are ready to break the silence, please know that you are safe here with me. Please feel free to contact me for a complimentary 30 minute Embodied Coaching experience that can help you start breaking the silence and put you in touch with the right resources to move through the abuse. And if there is any thought about your safety (emotionally or physically) please ensure you delete your cookies and browsing history and/or call from a phone line that is secure.
