The openness I once had as a child to receive had all but been lost in our modern. I now see this “openness” was not just a physical one, but an energetic one as well…one proved by the heart science of Stanford University. One that an ancient sage 2000 years ago attested to…about what comes out of a heart…this is what creates or destroys life in the non-material world we are no longer trained to see nor experience.
As I have been recovering from my skin infection, I have set intentions for myself to open up and receive. Besides all the personal and intellectual struggles of deciding to take time off – what I am calling a sabbatical for at least our world seems to think these are okay – I have been daily challenged with what I call my new mantra, “release, open and receive.
Release old thoughts, energies, patterns/habits, inhibitions.
Opening to feeling all the feelings and energies I am capable of feeling, even the “dark”, painful, fearful ones. Ones that at the mere thought of rip my heart out of her cage and scream their obscenities at Her. Ones that turn my gut into a slimy, slippery slope of revolting bile in my mouth.
Receiving the messages from those feelings, those energies. Allowing them to speak to me, allowing them to be heard.
Releasing the notion that I cannot receive.
| Opening up to the gifts…
Receiving nourishment, the rebuilding of my body on a physical and energetic level. Receiving time as a gift instead of always feeling pressured by a to do list. Receiving the gift of just freakin being…being in the moment, being still, being with what is – even if it is not “pretty, happy or nice”. |
I unintentionally set a STRONG intention to be “lovingly and radically ravished” by the Masculine, the Divine Masculine…however He shows up in my life. I have been met with heart wrenching, unexpected lessons I had NO clue I was calling in or praying for.
I have been presented with my own Shadow…what the Church would call “my sin nature”…the part of me that was always lurking in the background, just beneath my conscious knowing…waiting to rear Her ugly, Erishkigal head after being caged for not only my own life, but for the majority of the last 4500 years. Do you know Her? The part of you that is waiting to break free, to be released from Her cage in a rage of deep, dark, “ugly” show of emotions…to be heard, acknowledged, witnessed for what She has to say…the part that connects me deep to the roots of who I really AM…the animal that has had enough of Her domestication and is ready to come out in full force.
In seeing Her, I understand why civilization has Caged Her. She is not only caged within women, but within men as well. She is powerful, all consuming, full of both potential for “good” or potential for “bad”. Potential to create or potential to destroy.
In trying to control this Her, both internally and externally, we have exploited Her, both internally and externally. We have tried to use Her for our own purposes, our own will, our own doing.
We have all pulled ourselves so hard inward, both physically and energetically, in attempts to try to control the Her in us…that we have no more ability to receive with opennelss. With surrender to what is, instead we live in fear of what is so we contract harder, pull in more, try to control Her more….propegating the cycle even further.
So why, why are we so afraid to receive?
My theory: because that means we have to release our notion of being able to ever control the Her in the world…surrender to the unknown of what is in the present moment…to stop trying to predict the future by controlling the present and the past.
This would open us up both mentally and physically, energetically and emotionally. Our defenses would literally be gone in a “hard cold world” we are so desperate to paint for ourselves.
This would open us up to allowing the energy in us to be felt, moved…to be REALIZED it is even there…within us…connecting our body parts together…connecting us together. We would realize we are really all connected and therefore have no one to point the finger out, to blame, to call “the other”.
This would would possibly allow us to experience something we are told that is “Bad”, “black magic”, of the “devil”…that we actually have the ability to move in and out of our energy fields around us, choosing when and how we show up to people, moving in and out of crowds as Jesus did – sometimes visible…sometimes not.
This would mean we would realize just how literally big we are through our energy fields and that our bodies are capable of so much more than we know…
This would open us up to the real path Jesus was describing that is harder to enter than it is for a Camel to grow through the eye of a needle….one in which we realize that Divinity is NO different than the Oneness, the Community, the Togetherness we all so desperately crave…and that Jesus prayed for on the Cross.
To be born into the Spirit, not by escaping the body and the ego, but by releasing, surrendering, going directly INTO the Soul, the Body, the Ego…to be both fully human and fully Divine.
The human mind we have been caged in for so many years…it cannot wrap its mind around the idea of this…the idea that we first must learn to surrender, to release, to be FULLY in the body…to release the idea of gender, gender roles, of duality while opening up to receive the marriage of our own DNA…the marriage of the Right with the Left, the Yin with the Yang, the Masculine with the Feminine…
Before we can ever learn to give, we have to be a people that is able to fully receive. To give from that place of knowing you have no more hardness, stiffness, tension left in the body…to give from a full well, a full banquet table…
I am learning that it is better to Release, Open up and Receive….to receive the Entirety of the Cosmos as my stopping ground in which I may give freely to myself and others from.
