Day 19 – Read Jesus’ prayer in Luke 11:1-13. Use the Lord’s prayer, as it is called, and write my own prayer…
My take: I get this exercise and think it is a great way to really get yourself a formulated way of praying. This type of exercise might be really, really great for those that need the structure as a way of connecting to God. However, I will not be doing this exercise at this point for it feels way to constricting and not relational enough for me.
A brief look at my prayer life: More like a conversation in my head…sometimes more constant than others. Just like a conversation, there is a give and take – a talking and listening period. Of course during the middle of the day it is more hard to get the listening in, but I do find times such as in the shower, in the car, waiting in the doctor’s office, etc. My most favorite times for talking with God though are while I snuggle with the kids as they fall asleep, or right before I fall asleep or in the morning hours before stepping out of bed. One of my most FAVORITE exercises actually is to get on my key board with a blank email to myself and to start pouring my heart out…then to just listen for God’s voice and start typing as He responds. Some of my biggest revelations from God have come this way and then I have them documented for later review.
Meaning of my title today: In a recent visit to my counselor, she asked me if I was letting some thing that God had revealed to me that I have a rather hard time accepting stand in the way between me and God. Ouch – I’ve had to spend a lot of time thinking and analyzing this and cannot say that I truly have an answer if I am or am not. I keep telling God I am open to what He wants to “create” in my life, yet if I was truly honest I still have yet to believe and trust in God for this. I throw up my excuses to God without even really consciously thinking about it. So I fully know that it is me that is standing in my own way – but at this point in my journey I am not really sure how to get out of the way. Ever feel like that?
I know it will happen eventually, as I learn more about myself and regain my identity. For now, though, I know my “work” with God is just to continue to pray for the willingness to be open to His creative work in my life – to not completely shut the door on Him nor His possibilities.
This was my prayer to God last night as I was getting into bed. This morning, as I entered my R.E.M. sleep I’m guessing, I suddenly was in a room partaking of Snickers and Three Musketeers – I was a kid in a candy store eating all that I could get my hands on. I never got a tummy ache or had the ill effects of the sugar – I was just extremely satisfied and happy.
Note: For those that do not know me – in my last years after having kids – I have become a bit of a nutrition nut. I did go thru some very dramatic and over-the-top periods where almost nothing of the modern diet would enter my mouth or that of my kids. I’ve calmed down over the last years…yet I do try to avoid most processed foods and especially sugars. Not always, but most of the time. However, I do still have a stubborn sweet tooth for chocolate – especially this time of year when I make batches and batches of fudge, eating more than I give out probably!
The thing is, instead of feeling guilty when I awoke from this “vision of sugar plums”as I would have imagined because I had eaten tons of “bad” stuff – I was filled with the verse, “Taste and see that the Lord is good,” running through my head over and over again. The joy of the “sweets” from my dream were really “bites” of God’s goodness, of His creative genius in my life. Little joys that I cannot even begin to put into words yet I know they, the joys, are there.
So, as I continue to “be open” to God showing me what my future could look like, I think His message to me right now is to continue to just continue with what I am doing…and to continue to look for the “sweets” that bring me joy…for in doing so I am tasting and seeing that He is good.
