The #1 Red Flag to Look for in Abuse/Toxic Environments (notes)

The #1 Red Flag to Look for in Abuse/Toxic Environments (notes)

Link to the video workshop (on FB)
Here is what we discussed:
1) Why the #1 Red Flag is the fact you are going looking for red flags.
2) What #RedFlags, #Abuse, #domesticviolence, #toxicrelationships, #anxiety, #depression are all really symptoms of ==> Toxic Environments
3) Why it is important for you individually as well as collectively to change the conversation from just talking about the symptoms to talking about the Toxic Environment that all of these symptoms create
4) 6 practical steps to TAKING BACK YOUR POWER from these environments - ensuring you are OKAY and #movingonup
BONUS: I shared the difference between Gut Instinct and Intuition - wowzers!

THE BIG TAKEAWAY

Change the idea and languaging from “toxic” or “abusive” relationships - or from “domestic” violence to “toxic environment”.
Red flags, toxic relationships, abuse, domestic violence, anxiety, depression, lack of sleep, feeling insane or crazy, doubting yourself continually and constantly, talking negatively to yourself, accepting subpar treatment from others that keep you in mediocrity and so many other indicators...
...These are all just symptoms that you are living in a toxic environment. Extremely REAL symptoms that we need to pay attention to - AND they point us deeper.
This shifts the idea away from there being an “abuser” and “abusee”. That there is one to blame and the other is innocent. In this old way of talking about abuse or domestic violence - it gives all the power to the one “blamed” - and little to no power to the “victim” of abuse. Sure it gives power to the “victim” in the idea that they need to remove themself from the relationship.
Yet I feel like with shifting to talk about the entirety of the ENVIRONMENT - this gives the “victim” much more power to move from just a survivor - into a THRIVER at life, learning to be fully expressed in body and voice.
By shifting our language away from talking about “relationships” or “domestic violence” - we recognize 3 powerful ideas that help us end the toxic environment in our life:
  1. An environment is made up of more than just the relationship. It includes each person as an individual, which might include more than just the intimate or 1-on-1 relationship. It also includes the living environment, the family& community or lack thereof, the daily stresses and how they are managed,- and of course the inner environment that each person brings to the table. By looking at the environment, the typical “abuse victim” can now look for where they have power to change the environment in and around themself to end abuse and toxicity.
  2. We are a contributing factor to creating the environment around us. We are co-creators of our environment - along with all those others in the environment. By deciding to stay in a toxic, unhealthy or mediocre environment - we are giving ourselves and the other(s) permission to continue in the unhealthy patterns that create such an environment.
  3. We are getting something out of this environment - and thus why we stay and co-create it. Most likely, we are getting something that fulfills an unconscious story we have about ourself. Staying in the environment with this story then is simply a pattern - a habit. Patterns like to repeat themself until they are consciously broken.
Do you see that last line there?
Yes - about patterns will stop repeating if you BREAK them.

Are you ready to break the pattern of unhealthy relating? Are you ready to become a self-activated, fully expressed soul that has the power to change your life into one of drama-free, meaningful connections where you are supported to live your passions?

Here are the 6 steps you can take today to activate your internal power to change:
  1. Recognize and ADMIT that any feeling of “is this a red flag?” is at the very least a yellow light. Most likely a Red Light. That means ==> STOP. Turn inward, pay close attention. Something isn’t right here.
  2. Locate the story that you have about yourself that is being fed by staying in this toxic environment (whether it is intimate, personal or professional). Write it down. This story is what I call a “Life Commandment” or LC. A story that has programmed you on how to live according to someone else’s standards for you that is no longer serving you today.
  3. Listen DEEP to “hear” whose voice is telling you that LC to you. Most likely someone from your childhood.
  4. Write that person a letter in which you (either longhand or typed and printed):
    1. Tell that person exactly what it feels like to have lived under that LC all these years. Dig deep. Share all. Leave nothing out. Be bluntly honest.
    2. Tell them you are breaking this LC. You can even tell them how. Let loose and let it all flow out of you.
    3. Tell them what you new idea/concept/tool you are adopting in place of this old story. If you are not sure what is the healthy version yet, tell them that and that you are going to find out what is healthy and adopt that.
  5. Let it Go!!!!
    1. Read the letter: find a trusted friend, counselor, therapist or coach. If the person involved in this LC is also on a growth path, feel into reading it directly to them. Perhaps in the company of a trusted friend, etc.
    2. Feel the emotion as you read it. Cry, scream, shout if you need to as you read it. Whatever you do, get the emotion flowing.
    3. Burn, shred, burry, send it out to the Ocean. Whatever you need to do to physically destroy this letter as an energetic representation of you breaking this LC and the unhelpful bonds of toxicity it had over you.
  6. Look & Learn what is healthy - and integrate it into you in as many physical ways as you can.
Wash, Rinse and Repeat y’all.
This is a power packed 30 mins y'all. If you or anyone you know is living in anything from mediocre to toxic environments - please share.
If you or someone you know needs support, a sanity check, and direction on how to move into a healthy, flourishing environment where they can be fully expressed - please reach out to me. I have room for 3 clients right now and would be honored and humbled to walk along side of you building a #newlife!
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