For those of you that know me personally, you probably have been wondering if I was living in denial. I knew that I wasn’t…yes, this day would come eventually, sooner or later. I am relieved actually that the truth of my situation is finally hitting me…for I know that now the REAL healing begins.
For the rest of you that read my blog and don’t know me – which I have my doubts on Bloggers stats and reporting – so you are probably “ghost” people…but just in case you aren’t and you don’t know – here is my confession for the day: “I am going thru a divorce.” Honestly I thought I would NEVER be here, that I would fight till my dying breath to stay married for that is what a good Christian woman does, right? However, in a matter of a few short months this has become my reality…and while there are some very good parts of being in this place – God is slowly but surely letting the hurtful parts bubble to the surface.
Up until yesterday, when I would share my predicament and would see the the sympathy and sorrow coming down the pipe line – I would throw in the stopper. I would shut them down…tell them in an indirect or maybe even a direct way not to go there. If you are like me – and God knows how many wounded souls there are out here on planet Earth – you don’t want to appear weak, like a victim or vulnerable …for me personally that comes out of a a fear that if people see me like this they will either pity me or pounce on me – meaning they will use my vulnerability to their advantage. Could you possibly say the same about yourself?
Furthermore, I discovered today that while I can talk the talk of being “REAL” with people — in reality, I have been living on an extremely surface level, for the best part of my life (talk about a confession to self!). On a level where I didn’t want people to be sorry for me for the life I have had, for the losses that have come my way – because to me “sympathy” and “pity” and “sorrow” are very negative words. Yet, in a very poignant lesson from God yesterday afternoon – I am starting to learn that letting people in to offer me these sentiments isn’t a negative aspect of life…but can be a very healthy aspect of life. For if they offer me their pain and hurt on an personal level – while very scary to those of us that are relationally challenged (and I mean with all people) – this is a very practical way that God shows us his love.
Through letting in just that little bit of sympathy from another human being yesterday, to know that someone else was sorry for the pain and hurt I have suffered – I now hear God sharing these emotions with me in a new way. That He of course can see my pain from where He is, but part of learning to let the good in and set the bad on fire so it runs out – is to let others touch me, touch you with their emotions. For this is God’s heart – that we would be Christ to one another in the physical form -thru looks, tears, hugs and even “sloppy wet kisses”…for we are not just spiritual bodies, but physical as well. The two are not separate, but one and the same.
Meant to work this in there…but here is another thought…and I hope that today’s post shows how the Word of God is not just mere words…but actually comes to life…for us to live out:
7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:7-9