Love Wins
I decided to buck what needed to get done tonight – which really wasn’t much any how – and spend some time reading some other blogs I’ve wanted to get to. There was a link on Matt’s at Theoprudence entitled “Homebrewed Christianity”. This link led me to Bo & Tripp and their podcasts…which I am excited to start listening to. This link also led me to something entitled “Process Theology”. This led to further earthquakes and after shocks in my faith…but it seems that I am actually liking these quakes now-a-days in some odd way.
Well, I just had to find out what this term meant. So, being an internet surfer, I started clicking around till I found this document. I read the first page or so and was a little tripped out. Yet, I kept on reading trying to make sense of what I was reading. As I read, I literally felt more scales removing themselves in clumps from the eyes of my heart. I felt my understanding of God growing infinitely smaller as God himself grew infinitely larger. I felt as if what I have been learning and gleaning these last few months from Rob Bell, John Ortberg, Kevin Kim, Scotty Scruggs and the likes is finally finding a place to settle itself. It seems that the “p” side of my life (that is – my “fly by your seat” type of personality instead of being so structured) is really opening up my heart to learning to think outside the box in big ways – and I rather like it.
I won’t even begin to summarize what this document says…for it is a lot and my mind and heart are still trying to wrap itself around the statements. Many more questions have been stirred that I will now have to seek answers for those…but all in due time, all in due time. For now, I will copy what the author says at the end that rang true for me as I read the document:
I’m just one more person deeply affected by process-relational ways of thinking! There was a time when I felt like “Humpty-Dumpty.” All the “answers” to questions about how God works with us began to break down for me—they no longer made sense, and I felt as if I were falling off of some great wall into a chasm. But then it was as if the chasm itself were “God”—that I had fallen out of belief in categories and doctrines and into the mystery of God as present. So I looked for new ways to talk about the God I knew through chasm and Christ, if that makes sense to you! (bold print my addition!)
Victoria Secret – The de-genderizing of women
This post from a few days ago was by far my most instantaneous post. Was this due to the title? The internet plugging I did? Or to the great letter I whole heartedly wrote? Who knows, but it is fun to think that something so near and dear to my heart is being well received.
In my attempts to understand more about how I got to where I am because of the cultural and gender influences, Lindsay James – who I met thru Facebook, gotta love that! and not MPPC – sent me to her husband’s blog as he often talks about the subject. Here is his blog www.jesusdust.com. Here is the trigger inducing title I found “Should Wives Submit?“. You can go read his comments there, along with the comments of the readers. I thought I would share my comments here though, since I think it further discusses what I have experienced in this whole issue of gender roles and the Church. Invite you to leave your comments on any of this or the past post as well!
My story: I was in an abusive relationship/marriage for 11+ years. I know that I have my own personal issues for ending up in this marriage…but I do think that the complimentarian view definitely plays a huge part into why women like me stay in these threatening relationships. Let me explain my view.
I come for a “complimentarian” view of the bible…and while I for my 15+ years as a Christian espoused the “husband’s as head of household” doctrine…I now have to say that I think this view can possibly lead to the set up of domestic abuse.
While I have been taught all my life (prior to following Jesus as well) that I am “equal” to men in ability, living in a culture that still has the undercurrent of male superiority as well as the houses I grew up in…I have come to realize that I never “felt” equal to men on a conscious level. I was taught verbally and non-verbally that I must “submit” to their authority in my life, pushing my needs and my voice aside. This has set me up to release my individual “freedom” to men time and again. Instead of being a team with the opposite sex …I have always felt they were the enemy and that they look at me as the enemy. A power struggle was bound to explode sooner or later. This “set-up” has wrecked havoc on my emotional, physical and spiritual life that I am now trying my hardest to repair.
As part of my repair, I know that some how I have to learn to trust men again. It is not easy, but I know that I am missing a big part of God and His character if I do not do this.
I mention all of this because I feel this is the damage that the Complementarism view has propagated not only on my own life, but on both women and men in our culture.
Earlier this summer, after listening to some sermons by John O. and Scotty S. and talking with a friend, I learned that there is a different view on the sexes and these verses you mention…that there was something called “egalitarians”. I set out to start learning more about it. I got Philip Payne’s Book “Man and Woman: One in Christ”. In the first chapter my heart about stopped when I was reading about how some of the ancient men looked upon women. He says something along the line that women are mere vessels for men to carry their feelings, for they are not worth to have their own. That a man had a right to “own” not only the woman physically but basically own her soul as well…tell her what to think and feel.
In my research to understand my relationship and my husband…I read several books by Patricia Evans. In her book she talks about how men who control their women generally think. Her comments lined up almost exactly, word for word with Philip’s comments about what ancient men believed about women that I mention above. This is why my heart stopped when I read Philip’s comments months later.
My thoughts: why would Jesus come to set up a system that was exactly the same as what was going on in the world already? Why would he or Paul want a system where there was already a “one up” built into the dynamics? Knowing intimate relationships – a “one up” stance doesn’t encourage complete and total freedom… and therefore cannot encourage love. It only would set up a dynamic where there is a constant power struggle between the two. This power struggle, played out over the years, would eventually take the focus out of God’s kingdom and put it on trying to save the marriage. I could go on and on…and I know this is all because of what I have lived thru. Yet, I KNOW that domestic abuse is growing in the modern day Church as the power struggle between the sexes continues. Culture in and outside the church enables men – as it has for centuries – to continue to claim that they are the “head of the household”…and it is damaging all of us in the midst. Personally, I do not believe that God would put a rubber stamp on a system that was already degrading women to nothing more than wombs, devoid of any thing else.
Any who, I’ve now come to believe that God didn’t set up a power struggle within marriages…but I believe set it up in such a way that the 2 INDIVIDUALS get to choose how they run their marriage. If they want to run it with the husband as the bottom line – and both are completely in agreement with this…then let them. Yet, with this openness it also allows for marriages to be run like yours and Lindsay’s.
The more I look at the God and Jesus of the bible, the more I see that He works on that very personal level…and that he doesn’t work the same in any two people’s lives…so why should we insist that a household MUST be run like this or like that?
iPhone 4S
Yes, I finally was able to get my new phone a few weeks ago. I got a beautiful, hard inner shell with a soft out shell case. And yes, it has been dropped a few times already. I have tried using Siri a few times…and she has been okay about 7 out of 10 times I would say. I loved it when she said one time, “I cannot help you with your request at this time,” or something along those lines. I got a good laugh out of that one.
The nicest thing, though, is not having to fight thru all the cracks to try to read what in the world I am trying to either type or read on my screen. I’ve included a picture so you know what I meant by the shattered phone being symbolic of my shattered dreams.
I would like to think that along with my new phone a new era in my dreams is being resurrected – or as the Process-relational theologists would put it – my dreams are being “creatively transformed”. I think this is definitely the case as I can cite two instances off the top of my head:
* I
n the past week I laid down a token of my motherhood – I traded in the minivan for a sedan. I have to say I LOVE it!
* In the past week, I can literally say that I have felt something die in me – something that definitely needed to die in order to make room for something new to be created out of the heaps.
In its place I am realizing that I have the freedom to take up that which will set me free from my past and – along with God – help me create a positive future for myself and my kiddos.
 |
| My beautifully shattered “life” |
