Why Unhealthy Relationships Feel So Desirable

Reposted from Quora in response to the question: 
"Why unhealthy relationships feel so desirable?"

Dear Soul asking this question,

I am sorry that you have gotten such unhelpful answers so far - with nothing that would actually help you understand why unhealthy relationships feel so desirable.

More than that - these answers, to me, would make me feel so wrong, disgusting and hopeless.

Let me assure you - there is nothing wrong with what you have or are feeling. This is a REAL feeling you have, and I acknowledge that in you. I understand it because I have been there. AND A LOT OF WOMEN (and men) understand this.

The FACT you can even put this into words is HUGE and means you are on the path to moving away from this feeling.

The thing to remember is that you are no longer at point 1, 2 or 3 in the following scenario. You are at point 4. Your awareness has awoken to the old - and you are ready for something new.

And no one from what I can see has shared with you how to get out of the loop of point 4 and move into point 5. I hope this helps!

Here is my breakdown of why “unhealthy relationships feel so desirable”:

1. Our culture for millenniums now have used force, power and control as ways to manipulate individuals, families, communities and societies. In order to control the masses for the benefit of the few, there had to be a hierarchy with set rules we all followed. These tactics were just “normal operating procedures” (NOP) . That is until the last, say 50–100 years. What was normal 100 years ago we are just now waking up to realize is “unhealthy” and not a benefit to the individual or society at all.
2. In turn, these “normal operating procedures” have gotten hardwired into our - and your DNA. These NOP are then reinforced thru media, movies, churches, politics, schools and every day life.

   

   This used to be much more blatant and accepted (just 100 years ago for example women were just getting the right to vote in the US, because we were seen as “less than” and for the most part had accept it.)Nowadays, it is still happening, but in much more subliminal ways.

   In the end, depending on what you watch, who you hang around with and what you area allowing to infiltrate your daily life - you most likely have a constant diet consisting of the NOP.

3. Since we are creatures of habit (i.e. patterns), and since our patterns are set to repeat themselves - we seek out those relationships that will fulfill that pattern. Just like a computer has been hardwired to start up by looking for the right codes, your “code” is seeking out those “start up codes” that you came pre-programmed with. You have no idea whether or not that “pre-programmed code” has a virus or not - you simply have always used it and thus trust it.

   

4. But wait - now some new code has been introduced into your system (i.e. awareness, or consciousness). This new awareness makes you realize that that there is a better code to start from, offering an iOS 1000+ operating system experience vs. a 1980s version.Would you now label that 1980s version unhealthy? No.It was simply all you knew, all the code you had in your world at that point in time.
   

   HERE’S WHAT PEOPLE DON’T TELL YOU:

   It will take time to remove all that 1980s code and upgrade to the present.

   In the meantime, that outdated code will continue to run. In doing so, it WILL still be “attracted/have desire for” the old patterns it knew.

5. So, each time you find yourself attracted to that old “code” - the stuff you have labeled as “unhealthy” - it is an opportunity to upgrade that part of your hardware.
   

   Let go of that old code by:

   1. RECOGNIZING IT IS STILL THERE
   2. Seeing this as an opportunity to do some more good work on your code/self (instead of beating yourself up that you “desire unhealthy”)
   3. Write down what it is that you are still attracted to about this old pattern. Then burn it, tear it up, burry it, dance on it until it is mush - some how physically get rid of it. Film it on your phone then delete it. Let that shtuff die! Have fun with this - the sky is the limit in these “letting go” ceremonies. Use your voice to proclaim you are letting this go and add emphasis with “So it is!” or “F**K YES!”

      

      HINT:The language of God/Universe/Source ain’t English or any human language. The Universal Language is INTENT through FELT EMOTIONS. So whatever it takes to FEEL this letting go - feel it.

   4. MOST IMPORTANTLY,retrain your hardware towards that which it is you deem “healthy”. Write it out, film it, use post it notes. Again, whatever it takes to have this new hardware booting into your system as much as possible - do it. Physically embody it. Make it MovementMedicine.love!

Please let me know how this lands for you, or if you have any questions. All-in-all I am excited for you that you have the awareness building you into stage 5. Now is the time to take action!

Be sure to check out my page "Leaving Toxic" for more great tips and tools!

Blessings,

Holli